Tortured Soul
by Lord Xusecer
Summary: Being the one who brought the Soul Society to it's knees was not all it appears to be. While being a hero in one world and a prisoner in the next, Ichigo will learn what it's like to be saved rather than the savior. Warning: This is a M/M
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Tortured Soul  
By: Lord_Xusecer (LDX)  
Pairing: Renji Abarai, Ichigo Kurosaki  
Rating: M for Mature  
Romance/Angst**

**Tags: M/M, Mention of Bondage, Rape, and other various activities.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:_ I do not own bleach or any of the contents or characters. I do not profit or make any money from this work of fiction either._**

**Legal Disclaimer: _All characters depicted in sexual situations in this post/fanfiction/fanart (including material in the comments) are fictional and are intended to be and considered to be by the author of said material of the legal age of consent in the United States state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from._**

* * *

**Introduction:**

What a drag I thought as I heard the bell from the last period of the day. I slowly got up from my chair as I noticed that some of my friends were waiting for me, I just ignored and walked out. I was hard for me to see their faces like that; it had been nearly three months since I last talked to them, and that was when we finished in the Soul Society. You see I couldn't or should I say I'm not allowed to. I have a tight schedule to follow, one that doesn't allow time for normal teenage activities. One that you would say is not right but what can I do, I must follow it if I wish to see tomorrow or the rest of my life for that matter. Well it doesn't matter anyway there is nothing I can do about it.

I walked out dreading what I had to do; you see I am what they consider a "working hand" for a business my father used to owe money to. When my father gambles he usually loses everything he takes with him. Yeah what a shame right? He is what they call an addict of it along with his alcohol, and when he loses in gambling I'm the one who usually suffers. Yeah he uses me to make his debts even shall we say. Oh hell, you don't even know who I am and I here bitching' about my crappy life. My apologies, yeah right, what I am apologizing for. Aren't you used to random strangers coming up and blabbing about their lives.

Anyways my name is Ichigo Kurosaki, I am seventeen years old, yes seventeen, but it not like it means anything anyway. Alright getting back on topic here I'm also a junior in high school, and on top of that I recently became what they call a substitute Soul Reaper. Hell what am I talking about that defiantly does not fit into the schedule. It not like I can do anything about it anyway. I'm not allowed; my father found out about it and forbade it. I never knew he could see souls, I guess I shouldn't been surprised when I could see them too. Again getting back on track here, I also live with my two sister's Yuzu and Karin. Fuck with them and I will kill you, literally, I mean it. I love those two to death, and no matter what I will be there for them. As you also should have guessed, yes I also live with my father. My father is what you would call a dead beat worthless prick. Yeah get this he never used be like that amazing isn't it. Yeah I thought so; I really think people get a kick out me saying that. I guess I should say was that there was an incident, yeah let just leave it at that, an incident that changed him. Maybe if you hang around a while I will tell you what changed him. I don't really trust to many people with details of my life, and it's probably a miracle that I'm telling about this. Please don't tell anyone I'm going trust you to hold this in confidence.

Okay it seems that I have some time to tell you about my fabulous father. I use the word fabulous extremely loosely and very sarcastically here. I already labeled him as a dead beat and a drunk. Now he also has another secret hiding in the dark and I'm a part of this secret. You see my father sells me out to settle his debts, and to collect money when he feels like it. Yeah there you have it; my darkest secret is out there and the reason my life sucks. Enjoy it while it lasts because I probably going be sharing anymore secrets at time is also an abuser, never to my sisters though he loves them dearly. Enough to never lay a finger on them except in a fatherly loving way. I know he's fake and that is all that matters. In fact he wears a mask to hide it; I mean a fake face to hide his rage that's directed towards me. My Father hates me, and I mean to the points where he wishes I was never born. Well, that is enough on that subject.

Hey there my house, it seems like free time is over. Yeah I don't very much of that anymore, so I take it when I can get it. I was lucky today usually I have to do something for him, because he is too lazy to do for himself. Usually it's a beer run to the store so he stocked up on it. Sometimes I actually have to load a truck full of the shit. Yeah I guess you can say I'm also his personal servant which really fucking' sucks.

I walk up to the door and I hear screaming. Great he already hit the booze; I imagine that he just got up as well. I take a deep breath and brace myself for what could be another dreadful night. It was coming, he had behaved for a week and that alone was a miracle. Usually it only lasts for a couple of days if we're lucky. When I opened the door I heard a crash, a sound of something breaking on the floor. I walked in to see that he was already agitated and when the door closed he look directly at me with those demonic possessed eyes. I knew at that moment I was going to get it, I hadn't even known what I did or if I had done something. That really didn't matter to him, if he felt like it I got what he dished out and I had to like it no matter what. It's not like there is an alternative now is there? He the boss and I know it.

"Where the fuck did you hide it! You should know better than to hide my stuff you stupid fuck up!" He screamed walking over and punched me square in the jaw. Bam! I heard it hit and it hurt like a motherfucker. This time he drew blood and it tasted awful, it had a metallic bitter taste, as I spit it out and looked at him. He hadn't even told me what I hide. There was a ringing in my ears from the hit and I stood there holding my jaw as he again spat at me.

"I asked you question where did you hide it, where did you hide my fucking cards and wallet? You boy are going to learn the fucking rules of this god-damn house!" He yelled. I braced myself I wasn't sure if he was going to hit me again or what he was going to do. He grabbed me by the throat and proceeded to lift me in the air. I was gasping for air; his grip was iron and pushed harder against my throat. It was then I knew he had booze. But I didn't know what he found. Whatever he found made him meaner than usual, and it reeked too like some sort of bitter vinegar smell. It smelled like vodka or Jack. Oh god I hope it wasn't Jack. It turns him into a demon literally, like you see here. When he has Jack there is no reasoning with him, he turns into a destructive person which is what I was starting to see tonight. I immediately began to think there was no hope tonight that I was going to get it.

"I already know you threw out all the booze, but you missed this one." which is what I heard hit the floor when I came in. It was a mess, and I knew that I was cleaning this one up along with other things if his attitude persisted. "You know I have had it with you and your constant games, tell me now where they are. He barked directly in my face. I smelled the awful smell of booze and I knew what it was, how could I have missed that bottle? He had Jack, and knew I was in for it.

"I don't know father, I swear I didn't touch it." I pleaded as he squeezed harder on my neck and I gasp as I couldn't breathe or do anything.

"You fucking liar, I know you did something with it, you always do. You think that hiding my money and throwing away the booze will change me Hun boy? I got news for you it isn't going to change. Now you're going to find it and clean up this mess, and if you can't find it then I get to punish you. But first you're going to get me more booze, I want more Jack and you're going to get for me. Since I have no money or cards I guess you're going to have to earn it." Oh great I thought I have to earn him money. This was going to be a long painful night. "I have already arranged it and you're going to be a good little whoring player and earn the money. They as in he will be here in about twenty minutes, so get showered and changed. Do you hear me!" he punched me in the stomach and kicked me to the floor. It fucking hurt. It always hurt when he was like that, now I had to earn him money to feed the monster he let loose. It wasn't fair it never was fair; I guess life isn't fair and it had dealt me him. I had to though, because if I refused there was going would be hell to pay, and it would be a lot worse than this. I know your possibly thinking what would be worse than forced sex right? Well to lay it on you easily his torment is worse than the sex, so yeah I rather be raped than have to deal with him. Sad I know but that is my life and it has been this way for the last four years.

My orders were given from the boss, so I had to obey. This meant making it upstairs and getting into the shower. So I walked up stairs to the shower took off my clothes, grabbed a towel out of the closet and got into the shower. About ten minutes later I finished and got out warped the towel around me and set out to place the laundry in the basket in the washing room, then trudged my ass to my room. When I got to my room I quietly closed the door and dropped the towel to the floor and got dressed. I sat on the bed to wait, wait for the client to arrive, oh joy I thought as I braced myself for what the rest of day held in store for me.

* * *

**A/N: 7/08/12:  
Well there you have it the first part of my story, let me know what you think. Also I apologize in advance if any of the characters are OCC, hence this is my first fan fiction.**

**Added 7/28/12:  
****OK so make sure to check out the news section of my profile if you want to keep up with what is happening or going to be happening. Also that is where to check to see if the story you're interested in is on break or not. Anyways thanks again, and keep those Reviews rolling:]. LDX :)**

**Anyways if you want to show your support you can by either Favoring, Following, or Reviewing.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Edited 8/02/12: Revised the mistakes, and there were a lot of them god. This was one of the worst chapters I revised so far. Hopefully this time it is less jarring than the last version.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

I walked from the door and grabbed the clothes I was going to wear from the dresser and slowly got dressed. There was really nothing else to do except wait for the client to show up. Anyway I looked out of my barred window that was beside my bed. Yeah to say the least with the windows barred shut. Can you imagine why a seventeen years old boy would still need bars on his second story windows? How pathetic right? Yeah you're so off in your thinking now, how do I know you ask I don't this is me assuming? Ok your thinking that they are there for my protection and that I have a tendency to fall out of windows. I can see it your head something close to this is forming even if it not in my exact wording right. Well if that is the case you're so totally off and WRONG. Yeah you heard me right WRONG. It's not there for me and it's defiantly not there for my safety. It's there so I cannot escape him, and it's there because it a part of the things he has constantly in my sight to help him use his methods of control. It's also there to play with my head. If you guess this then you're more perceptive than I am, and you should be proud of yourself because you can read me like an open book. Though I have to admit it is scary, but kind of cool.

I knew that I had to wait up here, because my father's client would be arriving shortly. Then I would be called down and presented. I hated the presentation. They got to touch me anywhere and I wasn't allowed to touch back or stop them. My father says that to sell the goods the person had to see the goods offered, and that meant they got to see and touch everything. Yeah everything I mean everything it was so uncomfortable and demeaning, to have men grope me because my father is a deadbeat that cannot work for a living. Don't tell him I said that, believe it or not I still value my life and want to keep it at least until I can formally tell him to shove it. What the hell am I saying, me leave him that. Ha-ha yeah right, since when did I get the courage to do that. That wish is a waste of time to even think about, and yet I find myself thinking about it in my spare time.

I heard a knock at the door down stairs. Great this is it; it is time for the dreaded presentation. Shivers ran down my back as I got up and headed to the door to of my room. I exited my room, and that is when I heard my father greet the man by name of something Izarue. That is all I heard. It's hard to pick up stuff when my father is purposely trying to keep it from me by hiding. He hide from me, yeah that would be the day. It's not he's hiding from me. It's to hide what he going to do from me. I started to walk down the stairs only to get manhandled. The next thing I knew he was forcing me to take my clothes off as he was ushering me down the stairs, naked, into the living room. When I walked in I noticed that the blinds and shutters where already closed and that the door out of the house locked tight. This is what I have dreaded for the last half hour. This is the presenting.

"Well, well. I see your father spoke the truth about you. Damn you are hot." I heard the man say as he looked me directly in the eyes with lust in his eyes. He then licked his lips in a seductive way while running his hands all over my body as he finally stopped on my ass. His hand seemed like it was there forever before he began to rub his hands around my ass caressing it. Finally he said something that broke me out of my solitary day-dream. This is what I did when I had no power over what was happening. I just daydreamed, usually about what it would be like to have a normal life. I guess it was sort of defense mechanism to deal with the undesired caressing of my body.

"Nice ass too, can it hold all of it?" I heard this and automatically wanted to punch him. Even if I didn't want it, it this was offensive to hear. He wanted to know if I was good enough for sex, ha. If it is one thing I knew from all of this, is that I can deliver a show, A pretty damn good one too if I might add. This was just demeaning to listen to him say that I wasn't good enough.

I desperately wished that I wasn't. I wanted a normal life being a normal teenager, sharing my first moment in bed with someone one that I loved. I never thought that I would share it with a filthy man who paid my father to have to have his way with me. Yeah so ever sharing my first time with someone I actually love was defiantly out of the picture, because I'm far from being a virgin. Well probably shouldn't have blurted that out. Well now you know another secret about me, and I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut on certain things. Since when does anyone want someone who been defiled like that? Not anyone that I know. So yeah I'm officially fucked in that regard and I don't mean in the literal sense, in the superficial sense of course.

"Yes In fact he can hold two in there, I was exclusively told that by Mr. Reeves. He also worked for his firms for a while was well." said my father. He always says something along those lines that I am a part of Mr. Reeves' line up. It turned into his sales mantra. It pops out every time he sells me out and I have to admit it works with every client too especially the ones that know what Mr. Reeves' many services he has to offer. It seemed like by the look on this man's face that he knows of Mr. Reeves, and probably was one of his frequent clients. I can tell the ones that know of Mr. Reeves, they seem to always perk up at his name when it mentioned.

"Well!" I heard the man say as he looked impressed with my track record. "He has the résumé, if he in dead works for Reeves like you say." Then man then slid his fingers around my ass and gave it a squeeze which made me jump, my face turned beet red as the man just ignored me and lifted his hands and moved them to my chest.

"Damn boy, you have the chest and arms, there are beautifully predominant and sculpted. He then moved them around my chest feeling it up. I'm frustrated with embarrassment this man was feeling me up and nobody cared that I didn't want it. He then took my left nipple in his fingers a squeezed it hard, I moved and groaned only to elbowed in the ribs hard by my father. I whimpered in pain as the man released it when reached for the other one and did the same thing. He then slid his hand down my stomach and reached for my cock and caressed it making it slightly harden up. He eyes grew as he watched it harden. He smiled and looks over at my father with a pleasingly pleased hum that sang from his throat.

"You know Isshine; if I get a full night with him I will call it even between us. In fact if I get a room here with some extras I will even pay you as well. How does 1,000 Kan sound? He is what shall I say a rare and gorgeous person to have at my disposal."

"Done." said my father as he received one thousand Kan. "You can have this worthless slab of meat for one night, but you have till three A.M. He has to get to the worthless building they call school here by six so three hours should suffice." After my father said that I was lead to the basement. My father grabbed my arm and pertained to drag me there with or without my cooperation.

When we reached the basement I'm forced to the floor and handcuffed, he places them on my wrists and made sure they dug in. My Father always did that so it hurt. This again was his way of showing me that he controlled every aspect of my life.

"You know boy the only damn thing you're actually good for besides loading the alcohol is bringing me money when I need it. I should have thought of this sooner than when I had. The shit I had to put up with keeping your sorry ass clothed and fed. Now you be a good fucking whore and show the kind gentlemen to a good time. Maybe then I will consider give you a break." He laughed as he walked up the stairs and left me on the cold floor handcuffed and freezing. This is always the kind of stuff he told me when I was actually doing something worthwhile or in his interest, like making money that was in his interest.

"Oh and don't screw this up" I heard him call from the step just before the door. "If you do I will give it to you worse than what you get down here. I think that you already know that I'm not joking, and you know what I'm capable of." His voice was harsh and menacing when he said that. I already knew what he was capable of. Yeah I knew, I thought. I would be punished, and it would result in some sort of injury that I would have to make an excuse for. I gulped as he walked out of the room and I heard to door shut with a loud thud. He left me lying on the cold floor naked with nothing on. I was severally regretting this day it was going to be a long painful night. When the customer asked for extra's that meant that he was into weird stuff.

Most of my father's clientage was into this stuff. My Father liked it because it got him more money than the conventional lays. He told me that if I got him more money that I would not have to endure him, which most of the time was a lie. I couldn't argue because he was the boss. I shook as I laid on the floor it was really cold. I remember multiple training sessions down here. They were long and painful sessions. Only in the end to teach me, teach me how to act, to speak when spoken to, and finally how to please the customer. I had to please the customer because no one else mattered but the customer, well except my father. He was the boss, and in charge of it all.

The man walked down and picked me up off the floor he pushed me against the wall and un-cuffed me. He pulled the ropes down from the rafter of the basement and tied my wrists to them tightly so I couldn't slide out. He laughed "Your boss said that you have a history of escaping when tied up. He said to make sure they are snug and it didn't matter if your hands changed colors or not." Great I thought now I'm in for it now. This man was taking my father's advice and I knew I was going to earn him his thousand Kan buy.

"Your boss said that you have to be released by three a.m. so you can get ready for school, correct? Though I wonder why a boy who is still in school has a grand resume with Mr. Reeves. I thought he only took adults. I listened to him and didn't say a word. This was one of training sessions I mention that I had down here, where he taught me to take shit while not saying a word. If I said anything I usually got beat hard sometimes, or whipped with either a belt or whatever was down here.

"Oh, that's right you're a trained lad, you may answer my question." said the man as he unbuckled his pants and took them off and slowly got up to meet my gaze. "My father had a debt with Mr. Reeves, and the agreement was that I had to work for him for a year for the debt with my father to call even." I said as I looked to floor in embarrassment. The man out of the nerve just chuckled at me. He began to take off his shirt, and he looked somewhat fat. He looked Older like he was in his forties. He looked somewhat muscular, though the effects of ageing were settling in. He looked good for someone in his late forties. Most of the old men that came here were just looked plain old fat. He looked like he still cared a little about what he looked like. He walked up to me and kissed me, forcing his tongue in his mouth. He moaned while I gave him what I was trained to do. I was to treat him to the best time of his life. So I did what I was trained to do whether I wanted to or not. He broke away panting breathing heavy as he look at me with lustful eyes that looked like they had sex on his mind.

"Boy where did you learn to do that, you're better than my dead husband?" said the man as he returned for more. I just looked at him when he said that. I hated how most people regarded the dead as someone who left and would never return. While that is true it still rude to insult their memory, or in his case ability when they're not even here to defend themselves. It's like a low backstabbing cheap shot. It's unforgivable and rude. I guess you can say that I only think this way because I can see them and talk to them, there for I sympathize with them. I guess that is neither here nor there.

By the time the second kiss concluded I was already feeling dirty. He didn't even get to the sex yet. It didn't take much at this point to make me feel dirty. It wasn't because I wasn't used to it or anything. It was because this was my one-hundred fiftieth man I had been with in the last six years. You see father has clients within three providences of here that come once in a while, because I am what they consider the best out of Reeves' lineup. Yes I am still an employee at Mr. Reeves's. My father just combined with him so he could get some money out of him when he would let Mr. Reeves take me for the night. It was usually when he was in desperate need of money. Which was now less since my business was picking up, I mean since I was such a good player. That is what he called it. He never praised me. But he always tells me that I'm a good player. I always wondered what he meant by that. I kind of know it was meant as an insult. Everything he used to complement my work was meant in some way as an insult to my pride.

The man walked over to me and started to stroke my dick until it was semi-hard. I hated this part of the night. This is when they got to play with me however they wanted and clearly the man was very interested in me. He went unit the first pulsation and quit.

"You know what? I'm in the mood for something more kinky." chuckled the man as he released my cock "You don't have permission to cum, and if you do I will milk you dry do understand?" when he asked that my eyes just widened. I had heard of this in other people's sessions when I worked at Mr. Reeves', but I never had it done to me. This was going to the first time and I didn't even know what to expect. The man looked in my eyes as asked if this was my first time in doing this. I couldn't answer I was in denial. All I did was shake my head yes. I hated it when they decided that they would be kinkier than the regulars. I do not much care for sex toys that cause pain. I knew if I defied him then I would get it from my father worse than what was going to happen down here. What am I saying there were few regulars on the list of clients my father had, but Most of them where in to this type of thing, but it was with more conventional toys like nipple clamps and cock rings. I truly had no idea what to expect.

Never in my six years had I ever had that done to me. I don't think I ever had that much trouble coming either. That man did a pretty good job making sure it wouldn't come out. All that pain and pleasure it was too much, as I almost passed out from it. Each of nerve ending sent tiny shocks all through my body which just made even worse for me. He had me begging to release worse towards the end.

He was great with the oral too. That was what got me up to that point, then he switched to the conventional way and that made it even worse. By the end of the six hours I was covered in sweat and out of mind in each stroke, each thrust, and lick made it worse, and I manage to cum too. It felt great to finally be able to, except it caused me more pain before he released me from the ropes.

He told me that I was a good boy and led me up stairs as he told me that I had to take a shower. My body's covered in sweat and cum not to mention that my dick felt really sensitive. He told me that my clothes where in there already as he made my father get them out for me.

"I just wanted to tell you that you did well, most people would have whined out more than that had they reached that point. I know you enjoyed the result. Also I had a wonderful time, probably the best in a while, and I just wanted to apologize about my outburst earlier about my dead boyfriend I seen the look and I knew you were discussed by it. Believe it or not there was a time when I actually cared enough not to do that, but times have changed and I seemed to care less about others. You however you have reminded me what it was like to remember that time." He said that and gave me kiss on the forehead and told me that he would be polite enough to wait until I got out of the shower before leaving.

I got out of the shower, and got dressed. Then I exited the bathroom I saw the man sitting at the table in the kitchen. I walked down the steps towards him as he got up and told me that he would see to it that he would get another session with me in a few months if I was willing to have one with him. I told him that it wasn't up to me it was up to my father. He just laughed and told me that he would pay just to sit and talk with me, that how hot I was. He said that I was worth the 1000 Kan just to look at. I blushed as he walked and hugged me and told me that I should get to bed and walked out the door. He did and let it shut with a little thud and click.

* * *

**A/N: 7/10/12****  
If you want the more adult version of this then check it out at my profile over at Adult Fan Fiction. It's under the same pen name except that one has an underscore in between the two names.**

**OK, so there we have the first chapter. Wow, that was hard to tone this down into an appropriate version for this site. I really hope I didn't ruin it by doing that. Anyways thank you for your reviews if you left one and I hope you continue to read. I also want to thank the people who took the time to read this even without leaving a review.**

**A/N: 7/28/12: ****  
OK so make sure to check out the news section of my profile if you want to keep up with what is happening or going to happen. Also that is where to check to see if the story you're interested in is on break or not. Anyways thanks again. :) LDX**


	3. Chapter 3

**Edited 8/02/12: Fixed a lot of minor mistakes. Fixed allot of the spelling errors, and simple grammar mistakes. Shortened lengthy first personal sentences and shortened them to make it more realistic. Over all it's less jarring than before, but it's still not perfect.**

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

It was quarter after five when I heard the door to my bedroom open. Of course it was my father who else would it be, and to make it worse he had three things in his hands. I look at him as he came down on top of me and put his hand over my mouth. With one hand like magic, he handcuffed my hands. He leaned down inched from my neck as he whispered in my ear.

"You know what I just realized? That you had your one-hundred and fiftieth man in the basement last night. I have come to this conclusion, that you're officially a faggot. Yes boy your one of them." he said them in that voice that made it seem like it was so wrong. I just look at him as he brought a black cloth from beside me and gaged me with it. I tried to stop him but it was too late. My pleads were muffled by his already present hand, as the cloth placed in my mouth. He grabbed my head, and securely tied it behind my head. When he finished with that, he pulled out a pair of scissors from his pocket. It wasn't long after that when I found that my shirt cut from me and lying on the floor beside my bed.

"See I told you. You are a good player. Now relax boy and let me work my magic." He then grabbed my belt, off the back of my chair, which had what I was going to wear today laying on the back, and looped around the handcuff chain. He used my belt as a way to tie my hands to the bed. He got up and told me to lie still as he left the room. This was wonderful; this was really what I needed at quarter to five in the morning. I hadn't even slept two hours which is not unusual for nights like last night. On those nights I truly lucky to even get one hour let alone two. I guess this was one of those better nights.

When he came back he had what I though looked like a scalpel, but it wasn't it was one of the precision knifes you would use to cut small shaped out of cardboard or paper. I look at him as he got a grin on his face. That grin sent shivers down my spine as I slowly pictured could be done to me with that. He climbed back on me as he looked down at my chest that was bare and sticking out ready for him. He just laughed as he reached down and ran his hand across my chest. In lines that simulated lines that could be made with a knife. My eyes widened with fear I had a feeling that he was going to do something, like cut me. It terrified me that he was in control, I never knew what to expect. Since there was a knife in his hand, or should I say precision blade I assumed that it was going to cause me pain. Which would explain why I'm gaged? Yeah like I would, that only makes him want to cause more pain. Yeah I learned that the hard way and ever since then he has always gaged me.

"I do believe you are ready to experience pain boy, since you're now a faggot. I will treat you like one." as he reach he down and pushed the knife into my skin near my left collar-bone. As the knife broke through my skin the pain was unbelievable as he drug the knife down about an inch. It hurt like fucking hell, and I screamed into the cloth that was muffling the father just laughed at me as I tried to scream in pain, as it came out as muffled grunts of anger.

The wound, as I watched the blood seep out of it, was only a thin line that ran about an inch. He then grabbed a white rag and placing it on it and proceeded to do the same to the other side. I could only scream in pain, as the gag held it back. I struggled in the restraints trying to free my hands to get him to stop. I was not use. My belt held my hands above my head and the handcuffs securely held my hands in place. He just looked at me with those rage filled eyes of hatred.

I nearly passed out from the pain, as it was unbearable. He never did anything like this before. The most he did was cause scratches and minor cuts, but today it seemed like the demon that was inside of him released as it wanted to cause me hell. He just looked at me with those eyes again as he finished on the other side. He seemed pleased with the amount of pain I was in. I'm scared and just as ashamed to admit it, as there is not very much that scares me. I would have gladly died trying to save her from the Soul Society, but him I think it's the psychological shit he does to me. When he scares me, like he did now, I immediately think of death.

When he finished, I was almost at the verge of tears. He just smiled at that as he leaned back down to my neck and whispered. "This is your fault that I keep doing this. It is your fault I feel like this, and because of that I have decided to punish you for my loneliness. It's fitting since we all know you're the cause of it. You know I felt extremely lonely last night while I tried to sleep in my cold bed all by myself." He used that evil demonic voice as he told me that. It was true it was my fault; it was my fault that the two things that everyone treasured in this family were dead. I keep replaying that event in my head, trying to think of an alternative way it could have ended. Then I realize that I was nine years old. What could I have possibly done to change that outcome? I didn't even know it was coming, I didn't even realize it was a trap for me. It was too late when I saw it, and it took her in one swoop. It took my mother from me. I watched as it laughed and ate something that resembles a spirit. When I looked down my mother, she was... I feel the tears on my eyes, just thinking of this. I watched her die right in front of me, and yet it didn't even register in head until I heard she was dead. That was the event I was talking about, that is what changed him. That is what changed him to what he is today.

I reeled in pain and he; left the room, never once looking back at me. I guess I was wishing just for once that his conscience would kick in. Yeah right, who the hell am I bullshitting. Ha I obviously cause that never happened, and will never happen. As long as I am still to blame for his misery this cycle of torment will never end.

I realized that the handcuffs were still digging into my wrists and my hands still suspended above my head by my belt. That's when it clicked in my head that he just left me here to bleed out, and suffer in pain. After a while the pain seemed to dual somewhat but it was still there, which at this point my hands are starting to ache, and my arms feel sort of weird. That is when I noticed that the blood was starting to ooze out of the cloths. There was nothing I could do having my hands bounded. When I say that only reason why I'm scared of him is because he has a way of making me helpless, and lose hope it's the truth. That feeling was starting to set in as I felt a sting sensation from the cloths that seemed at their limit of absorbing the blood that was coming out of the wounds. This added to the pain made it very uncomfortable and I was already at my wit's end. The feeling was slowly creeping in, and that is what he enjoyed the most about doing this me. I think he enjoys it when I finally breakdown, and loose what I have left of my will power just to end up caving in to him.

He finally came in when it was quarter after six. He left me there for an hour I was starting to feel light-headed and very tired. Though this was normal, a normal feeling after he get done with the punishments. When he made it to my bed, I had seen that he had bandages and tape in his hands. All I got was them thrown at me, while he undid the belt and un-cuffed my hands from the handcuffs. I just rubbed my wrists as he barked at me again.

"Get those fixed up you hear! If anyone asks you cut yourself there do you understand! I never laid a hand on you ever you hear me ever! You best do your best and remember that understand! He looked at me with those eyes that said 'fuck with me and you will get it.'

"I will see your worthless ass to school with no excuses. If I find out you skipped there will be hell to pay." That was great, now I had to go, and if I didn't he would dish more of this out. I just sighed as he finished.

"Then I will see your ass at the distributors to load my truck after school. I do not care if you have to get a ride or walk I will see your ass there understand whore." He looked at me straight in the eyes and slapped me in the face. I just looked at him with a look that just begged him to stop. I swear I wanted to kill me at that time, but he had a way of dragging out that helpless look out of me.

"You know you would make a bad faggot you know, if that all you do is whine and give begging pleading looks. If you can't handle something a minor as that, there is no hope for you. Really what was I expecting a worthless pathetic excuse of a man to learn a new trick overnight. I guess we went a little too fast for you boy. I swear you make this harder than it needs to be. I do not know why you cannot learn these things the first time. You know what I don't get is why the government insists on calling you men at this age, because all I see are worthless excuses for men." I just listened to his insults, and took them all as he dished them out. I knew that he was right in a sense, and I believe I began to believe him years ago. How could I not believe him that is what he told me on a daily basis, and after a while I just started to believe him? I think he all but crushed my will to fight him back, because when I did the physical abuse and emotional abuse just got steadily worse. Topping this off in probably the worst way, I also being called a faggot and a dirty whore by him. Though he didn't directly call me dirty whore, but I read it in that letter he left me, which seemed like he didn't remember leaving it. Typical of him not to remember the details it seemed he only remembered the ones he wanted to remember.

It seemed that he didn't care if Yuzu or Karin were home. He just liked to humiliate me and now he was going to do it in front of my sisters. I heard a knock on the door, and in the process of that, he picked me up and threw me on the bed. He walked over and opened the door. At the door I saw a short figure, I couldn't tell who it was, but I knew it was one of my sisters. He just stood there looking at her with that sincere fatherly love look that he always gave her when he was almost caught beating on me. That look fucking disgusted me every time I seen it. I was a lie, and he just kept doing it. He's convinced that he has it hide from them. She just moved to the side and let him out of the room returning the confused look she always gave him. He reached and patted her on the head and walked out the room smiling at her. Oh right there I wanted to kill him again, but like I said I don't have the balls to back it up. He done took them away and now I stand a victim in this trap. Threats seemed like the only plausible thing to think of to hold on to what I had left of my life and freedom, at least he couldn't crush my dream world. That was the only thing that kept me wanting to live, besides my sisters that is.

She looked at me, with her look. She knew what he did, what's worse was she didn't even have to ask. She always knew but pretended she didn't. She rushed over to my side and grabbed the bandages out of my hands and moved the blood soaked cloths away. She looked at me with a sorry sad look and walked out of the room. I knew she's concerned, and I knew she finally got a glimpse of what he really was. I knew that she had ideas, but I figured that they were nothing compared to what this was. I just sighed, and looked at the wall still in horror. I became an expert on hiding this. I think I developed a mask to hide this, and my mask was nowhere found. The damn fear was plain as day on my face, and it wasn't going away soon.

After a while I heard the front door slam, that's when I knew he was leaving to spend what was left out that thousand Kan. First I knew that he was going to get booze, and then he would eventually make it to the gamble reservation. At least he would be gone for the day; even though I knew he would be back long enough to pick up his order from the distributors to haul it back to the reservation. When he went gambling was really the only time I got a break, he didn't bother me or care what I did when he was gone, only that I didn't end up in jail. Why would he want his money source in jail? That would ruin him financially, alcohol wise, and even on gambling. Trust me the thought has crossed my mind, but I knew if I did and they found out about him, that his many friends and him would find a way to have me killed.

When I finished my train of thought that is when Yuzu came back in the room with some white cloths and little bowl of water. She grabbed my shoulder and lightly pushed me back on the bed telling me I would be alright. Yeah right I thought nothing was going to be alright. And Was I really showing my fear plain as day, I couldn't tell, I was too tired to tell, all I knew was it was 6:20 and school was only forty minutes away. Yuzu dipped the cloth in the basin a then grabbed an alcohol swab out of her pocket of her nightgown. She gently whipped the blood away from the wound and then opened the alcohol pad. "Ichi-Nii please try to hold still." she said as she rolled up cloth and put in my mouth to bite. "Please try not to scream out to loud because Karin is still sleeping." She opened the cloth and placed on my wound and I bit down on the cloth as I tried so hard to muffle the groan of pain. It stung really bad, it hurt like hell, and it ached like fuck. Yuzu was trying her hardest not to push too hard as I groaned in pain. The wound was sore and I knew she was feeling really bad for having to do this. I can usually take pain, but was fighting when I did, the adrenaline kicked in and it seemed to not hurt as much. This, this was too much, and I knew I had to take it, I knew she was trying to help me and trying to dress it up to heal properly.

"Ichi-Nii you have to hold still while I put the gauze on." She said as she opened it and put some sort of disinfectant and some white cream. She then placed it on and tried to smooth it out and taped it there. I guess I was unknowingly moving, and she had to tell me again. This time I made sure I didn't move. "Ichi-Nii, this side done." She said as I moved and turned the other side towards her. She repeated the process on this side and gave me a worried look. "Ichi-Nii, I'm sorry, father shouldn't do this to you, but he is all we have, please Ichi-Nii if you have to run away please, I would rather have my brother alive than dead."

"Ichi-Nii I know you want to keep this all a secret, but it is all I can do to help you; at least at lease it will hide some of it." I look at her and bent down to kiss her on the forehead. I stood up and rubbed her head to ruffle up her hair, I knew she didn't like that but I couldn't help it. She was cute when she was sincerely worrying about me, it should be the other way around. My sisters shouldn't have to hide secrets about what our father does to me. It didn't seem right, and I knew again nothing could be done about it.

I can see that Aunt Shelly has taught Yuzu and Karin First aid. If that was the only thing she was good for other than being a personal babysitter. I was not going to say anything. "Thanks Yuzu. May I ask when you found out about father?" I looked at her and she look a little confused, I think she was messing with me so I would spill more than I wanted tp.

"You know about the abuse and the cuts" I asked.

"Oh that, I was trying to keep it a secret that you weren't to know that anyone else knew. Aunt Shelly told us that you were being hurt by daddy. She taught us how to treat just about any wound. Ichi-Nii that was deeper than a superficial wound please watch it don't hurt yourself more. I don't want Ichi-Nii in the hospital, I want Ichi-Nii to myself she pouted as she walked out of the bathroom and to her room. I watch as I told her that I would be ok. Hey I just used her line on her, and I was easy to use too. That line was strictly burnt in my vocabulary it was what I always told myself. But now I was starting to not believe it and that just made the saying more to hear and say. Getting myself to believe that was also a different story, I knew from this that my father was getting worse, I could smell the JD on his breath, it was fresher than the last time I smelled his breath. I finished getting ready for school as I noticed that it was 6:45. Shit I said out loud realizing that I almost yelled it, as I told myself that I had to run to school. It would probably cause my wounds to start bleeding again so I packed extra uniforms in my backpack and rushed out the door, stopping briefly to grabbing a couple of boxes of gauze to take with me. I was hoping that it would be enough to hide the wounds. Because if not I was going to have a lot of explaining to do and that is the last thing I wanted to do especially to the school counselor and principal. I didn't want have to explain by coming up with a lie to explain how odd wounds ended up there.

I finally made it out the door, and proceeded to run to school and I think I made it there in record time today, I think because I was already scared enough that I could probably run a mile regardless just to get away from him. When I got on school grounds I saw Orihime, Chad and Uyuru, they were waiting at the usual place. Again I just avoided them as I moved into the building unnoticed. I seemed to also develop this skill to sneak by undetected, but regardless I'm relieved that I slipped by. The last thing I need was them to know that my father was an abusive drunk, which was selling me out to play the bill, supply his alcohol, and giving him money to blow on gambling. What I really didn't want them to know was that he was using me to even out his debts out, or that he sold me for sex to the ones he owed the most to, or that he allowed Mr. Reeves to sell me as one of his services. Moreover that I didn't want them to know that I was emotionally on the verge of breaking, from his constant abuse and insults.

The very last thing I wanted was pity for the wounds he inflicted on my shoulders. That made me remember all over again what he did to me, and what he called me. Faggot it rang as nastily and icily in my head just like he had just said again. It just lingered in my head like an icy insult would, though it was true though I was a faggot. I was having sex with men more often than women. There might only be two women left on the clientage list filled with twenty-five or more men's signatures with at least 750 Kan or more beside their names of how much they paid for the services that I was forced to give to them. I pulled myself together as I reached for the door and entered the school trying to make my way to my locker.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

**At School**

I walked to my locker and dial in the combination; turning the tumbler to the correct digits unit I can click it open. When I opened my locker I was then confronted by a tall red-haired man who has his hair tied back in an open spread above his head, and a black-haired woman. Renji and Rukia were the two that grabbed me. I knew it was them just by the color of hair, and that they were the only two to have the balls to pull a fast one on me. They proceeded to grab me by the arms and drag me down the hall to the nearest empty room and threw me in there. It was no fun being dragged down the hall by a man who is taller and somewhat stronger than me, and a woman who by far I could have wrestled out of only if hadn't been for him. It also didn't help that he had the upper hand which prevented any means of escaping their grasp.

When they threw me in there I saw everyone there, my heart immediately started making leaps out of my chest. I didn't know how to react, I mean these where the very people I was trying to avoid, trying to hide my secret from, and now I was dangerous close to being discovered. To make matters worse Renji, he's the red-haired one, forced me into the desk and sat in the next one in front of me. Renji was the one that I defeated in the Soul Society to save Rukia from her execution, which later he decided to help in the effort to save her. Rukia I meet when my sisters were being attack by hollow, she the reason I'm what they call a substitute Soul Reaper, which I choose to do to save my family. I guess you can say that with in the short time he and she became my friends.

"I don't know what was so hard about getting him here." I heard Renji say as he gave all three of them a frown and a glare. Yeah what was so hard about sneaking up and grabbing somewhat by surprise? I thought. Though when he said that and glared at them like that I wanted to punch him, not for the fact that he was being cocky about it, for the fact that he looked so damn proud of himself. I just glared at him.

"Well Renji, we just don't grab people and throw them into rooms against their wills! Some of us have moral values and respect others space you know." I heard Uyuru tell Renji with a look of anger and displease.

"Yeah whatever you say." I heard Renji rebuttal back at him. I looked at Renji as he said that he had a nasty matter of fact look on his face, it was disgusting to even think he had no regards for me or what I was feeling now. To think that he had the audacity to even drag me in here? Why is he such an ass-whole all the time? I did not enjoy this at all, there was a plan formed here, and it seemed as if it revolved around me.

This in a sense pissed me off; all I was trying to save myself future hassle and beatings. If my dad ever found out I had friends he would use it against me, and that is not what I wanted. It was bad enough he was hitting my self-esteem, I did not need him telling how much of a failure I was to them. When Renji finished his argument with Uruyu about how society has rules against what he did to me, which is when I got the most evil bitch stare from Rukia. This look is a look that you got when she didn't want you to defy her. It was a look I got accustomed to while I was in the Soul Society, and guess what It doesn't affect me like it used to. She always uses that look to get what she wants, but today I was not giving in to it. No I was going to resist and try to get out of there as fast as I can. After to all I have my ass to save and them finding out my secret was not on the list today of shit I wanted to deal with.

"Ichigo you mind explaining to us, especially these three why you have avoided us these last three months." She said this with venom in her voice. She made it sound totally worse than what the reality was, but I knew that is how Rukia operates especially when she lays the guilt trip on you. This is exactly one of those moments when she was trying to make you feel guilty about not staying in contact. The fact was I also sensed anger in her voice, I suppose it also upset her that she was no longer updated on my life as well. I wanted to answer them, I really did, but the consequences outweighed them as a group and so I decided that I would try to break away from them, go about my life alone.

"None of your damn business Rukia, I want you to just leave me the fuck alone. In fact I want all of you to leave me alone, just forget I even exist." I spat it out at them with all the venom I could muster up. I wanted it sound like I didn't care anymore, but the truth was I did. Why else would I have risked my life to save her? I tried to make my eyes resemble what my mouth had said; I was hard to look like that. I watch Orihemi turn around to not look at me, and I noticed that chad just shaking his head. Uruyu was busy trying to calm her down, and Rukia just gave me a wide-eyed look. I knew she wanted to say something, but I think shock overcame her that instant and prevented her from saying something. I was not ready for what Renji did to next.

He punched me and made land out of the desk and on the floor. His face was red with anger and frustration, as he picked me back up and again forced me into the desk. My sinister tough guy look disappeared replaced with fear and regret. I watched as he as he sat back down and I just looked at him.

I never notice how hot he looked. It must been because of how close it was sitting to him, and I never actually noticed the tattoos until now as it just added to the rest of him. I mean I saw the ones on his face it just never really noticed the ones that were on his shoulders and chest. I was never actually really this close to him either, and suddenly I found myself for some reason wanting to know just how far the tattoos went down his body. What am I saying there is no way in hell he looked hot, I do not even like men in that way. I am just forced to have sex with them for money, money that I do not even see. Just then the word faggot echoed in my mind, and I was just as icy as it was when my father said it.

I noticed that Renji was sort of eyeing my collar-bone area, and I remembered the wounds that were there. I wondered if he could actually he them? But I told myself no, he was in a giggi, he doesn't have all his Soul Reaper abilities when he in one. Next I noticed was that he grabbed my shirt and ripped it. I let out an angry grow as I saw the look of angry Renji turn to a look of surprised Renji. This look of surprise did not suit him. In fact the look quickly changed into that of an apology. I grabbed the shirt fearing that I just fucked up, and he just grabbed me. I was a hard grab but his time I wrestled him off me, only to lose to him because the pain of the wounds got the better of me. I whined at the pain and he just let go. I was more shocked than upset. When he grabbed me like that I just saw my father and that knife he used to cut me. It made the wounds sting all over again, and I just got up and rushed out the door. I know he seen the look of fear on my face, and I believe that is why he let go.

* * *

**A/N: If you want to keep up on what is happening with this story or any others, visit my profile page and read the news section.**

**I also want to say thank you to all of those who Read, Reviewed, Followed, or Favorite. Oh and let's not forget get the one who did one or more, or the ones that did all four. Thank you so much you are what keeps this going LDX. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3**

I got to the place that Rukia said humans called school, which I think is weird seeing as how they don't practice mastering their Zanpakutos, learn Kido, or even have simulation battles. I guess I just don't get the point of having to learn about math, science, history, or anything like that. I never had to. All I had to do was fight hollows, since I joined the academy in the Soul Society. Anyways imagine me, trying to fit in. I pride myself on being the different one, the one that stands out from the rest. I'm in no way a follower, I do my own thing. Which is why it seems like I'm the only one wearing a sixty outfit in the school? Yeah it will be okay. Oh and by the way I should introduce myself, it might help for those who are asking who I am. My name is Renji Abarai. I am a soul reaper, who is the lieutenant of the Sixth division of the Gotei Thirteen. Sadly I have been recently assigned here, along with Rukia to watch over the growing population of hollows infesting the town. Well, I think that about covers that.

Well you're probably asking that why am I the only one wearing a sixty's outfit? Well let's just say that this was a rushed assignment. I really had no time to prepare. Now you are probably thinking I didn't do my homework before coming, and you're slightly right, damn it. It wasn't my fault this was a last-minute assignment and I had to leave immediately. So yeah I kind of fucked up, ok. It didn't help that in the movies the Soul Society had depicted people form the sixties. This apparently is a lost cause, and my excuse it's totally unbelievable. It doesn't matter at this point anyway, because I don't really care so there.

I was greeted by Rukia who is currently staying at Orihime's. I guess that the last time she stayed with Ichigo things were weird and he would disappear for hours on end and didn't tell her why. I didn't know what to make of that when she told me that. He has secrets, I guess, and that was really the only thing I could come up with then. Hell, who doesn't have them right? We'll let's just not get into that right this moment, and moving on.

She just looked at me, batting those eyes in confusion. I just looked back at her, which is when I realized that she was wearing an uniform. It consisted of a white dress shirt with a red bow tie and a small gray skirt. I could tell she was trying to holding back a laugh, and I just glared at her. I mean little miss perfect here had screwed up too, you know. I didn't say anything - I just bit my tongue and wanted this day to be over as soon as possible.

We decided, as in me and Rukia, that we would check up on everyone here since this is our first day back to the world of the living. We had decided of this on out walk to school. That is when she decided she would also made a point of telling me that times have progressed beyond the sixties, and of course she laughed too. I swear she did that just to rub it in more. I knew this was coming, and I was prepared for it somewhat, but she could not resist saying something about my screw up. It just wasn't possible for her not to say something smart. I swear she is vindictive like that, and we can thank Kuchiki taichou for that. It seems that his icy demeanor is rubbing off on her, and it has a lot in fact.

When we got to the building that humans in this world call school, which I still say is a babysitting center, and that is beside the point here. We were greeted by everyone except Ichigo. It seemed a little odd that he was not there. I know for a fact that Ichigo can sense spiritual pressure. He could always sense mine even before I showed up. That always made it hard to hide from him when we were sparring. I recently learned how to suppress my spiritual pressure better, and I was eager to try it out on him. It seemed like he was avoiding us, and I couldn't figure out why. In fact, it was annoying me to no extent.

I noticed instantly that they were a little down, which was weird also. Even Orihime was a little down, which was even weirder because when she was in the Soul Society, she had always bright and cheery attitude.

"Ok guys spill it what is going on?" I heard Rukia ask kind of forcefully.

She is like that sometimes, I swear, and what gets me is that she doesn't even realize it. It is because she is living at Kuchiki estate. You should have noticed earlier when she commented on my choice of attire with a matter of fact tone. Vindictive I swear. Do not tell her I said that, she's what I shall is say a handful when she's pissed off. I do value my life and my hearing. Trust me it's not pretty I've been there to know that you do not want to cross that line.

It didn't take long for Rukia to get them to tell her what was going on, I swear she has a gift for this; she could be talk a person out of their riches if you let her. I listened as Uryuu told us exactly what was happening.

"We have been waiting here every school day for last three or so months, I actually lost track after two and half. We see him and he just avoids us, he acts like we don't exist. Every time one of us confronts him, he bolts or comes up with an excuse on why he can't stay and chat." I heard him say, and I thought that was strange. He seemed totally different in the Soul Society, being so driven by his cause. I hardly knew anything about him though. I mean we were enemies at the time, and were bent on killing each other. All I could do was wonder why Ichigo would do that to them. They had helped him get in and infiltrate the Soul Society. There was something else that was going on and I knew it, and that is when I decided that Rukia and I were going to get him and corner him until he spilled everything on why he was doing this to them.

Actually I had something else in mind other than just cornering him. I knew I had to convince Rukia to take part in it. Convincing Rukia would be the hardest hard part; getting Ichigo to cooperate was actually the easy part. It was just a matter of forcing him to cooperate, right? At least that's what I think, and that along with Rukia's help would be easy. I called Rukia over to the side and I could see that she had somewhat the same idea I had. And of course she had to tell me what we're going to do, like she always does.

"Renji," she said as she approached me, "you and I are going to get Ichigo to talk. It's not right that he's doing that to them, they helped him!" she yelled this suddenly, which made me jump at the fact. "You're going to help me Renji." There she goes again always including me without asking. Not that I'm complaining, but I would be nice if she asked once in a while. I guess she felt she owed them for helping him save her, and I guess I do too in a way.

Now it was just a matter of convincing her that we had to grab and force him into a room. That way he couldn't escape us. I knew if I brought this up she would have shot it down immediately. But I'm convinced that was the way to get him to spill everything, and I would be easier if everyone was there to. When I mentioned my idea, she immediately shot it down of course saying something like, "We cannot force him to do anything, Renji, it just isn't right." Somehow through the luck or the through the simplicity, I convinced her that this was the course of action to take. I really thought this through which was the first time for me. I even evaluated the facts and even the negative draw backs. I was still convinced that this was the way to go. It gave him no room to run, no room to escape, and we can keep him in a controlled environment.

I hatched up a plan. It was really simple to do and it allowed us to actually get him without having to physically fight him. It was great plan; I would just sneak up and grab him while Rukia grabbed the other side. I knew it wasn't right to do that to him, but I couldn't see an alternative. If he was avoiding them, chances were that he would avoid us too, right? I didn't want that. I didn't want to give him a chance to escape. I wanted him there with no other choices and alternatives. We decided on a room that was maybe a couple of feet from his locker. I made sure to set up a couple of desks so I could sit directly in front of him, to prevent his escape attempts. I knew that if we forced him to do this that he would be looking for every possible way to escape. Ichigo was very stubborn, that much I know. It was proven when he saved Rukia from insurmountable odds. I also knew that we had to break down that wall of stubbornness before we were going to get anything out of him, which was going to be a task within itself.

When we were finished, the bell rang. It seemed too fast. I doubted that ten minutes passed just like that. Well I suppose that I'm not used to how this system works yet, and when you're not, it's going to seem like time flies I guess. Well when I walked in to the school I had caught a glimpse of him just briefly. They were right, he was avoiding them. I could tell by the way he just slide by hiding in the crowd while entering the school. He has gotten good at that to I would have not noticed him if it weren't for his orange hair. This was a little peculiar, and he didn't seem quite right by the way he was composing himself. I have to admit, when I got here I was smelling blood. It wasn't strong or anything. It was enough just to make itself known, when I saw him the smell had gotten stronger. I couldn't pin-point it directly, and for all I know someone could have a nose bleed or something. I decided to ignore it for the time being. I mean I would find out soon enough if it was him, right? What got me, is when he slipped by they didn't even notice. It seemed odd that Uryuu didn't notice. But he might have, and just acted like he didn't.

All I know is that there is definately something going on with Ichigo. When he was in the Soul Society I couldn't get him to shut up. The conversations were never about him directly and what he did say, I got the feeling it was carefully censored. It seemed like whatever he told was carefully formulated so it wouldn't give too much information. After a while I just stopped asking and told him about me. What he did ask was nothing much. I guess he just acted interested because I was. I got the feeling from that, that something was a little too controlling in his life for him just to follow the flow that easily.

I found myself waiting for Rukia just around the corner from his locker. In order to get him, we had to hide ourselves from him. I didn't like the idea that we were in a way jumping him. But then again I didn't see an alternative. Well we swooped from the corner when he finally clicked his locker open and grabbed him. Rukia and I grabbed each arm and forced him into the room we had chosen. Rukia was to make sure everyone was in there when we finally corner him, and it seemed like everyone was. I saw the look on Uryuu face. He knew what we did and he wasn't happy about it. That is when I decided I would be an ass about it. His righteous look always got to me, and to make the matters worse he hated Soul Reapers. I guess that what you get for being a Quincy right? Well maybe it wasn't a hate now, but I knew he still disliked us and I didn't trust him.

"I don't know what was so hard about getting him here?" I said sarcastically and a little more condescending than I wanted but hey, I got the point across, right? And Uryuu just glared at me. I knew I had struck a nerve with him, and it really was quite funny when I did. Chad just looked at me confused. I guess he missed what I meant, or he didn't see the big deal in it. Orihime sort of perked up, but that face of sadness kicked in again. I could tell she was really worried about him. Hell, I think in a way we all were, even cold-hearted Rukia over there. Don't tell her I said that either, she would rip me into shreds if she ever found out half the shit I call or called her.

"Well Renji, we just don't grab people and throw them into rooms against their wills! Some of us have moral values and respect others you know." I just smiled in my head when he said this. I didn't really think that was the most important thing at this time. Hell, I didn't even really consider that when I formulated the plan really. I just wanted results that's all.

"Yeah whatever you say" I said back to him to defeat his argument, and I could tell from that simple statement that Uryuu was not a fan of 'whatever'. He just shut his mouth and continued to glare at me. I couldn't help but chuckle. It was funny to see that defeat, and that look was literally priceless.

I knew I smelled blood when I entered the school, but to whom the blood belonged to was a different story. I think I found the source. I had sat down in front of Ichigo to prevent his escape attempts. I seemed that it was working for now. The smell of the blood was stronger around him so I pin pointed the source somewhere around his shoulder area. I looked there and I thought I could see it, but I knew I couldn't. We didn't have our abilities as Soul Reapers in our gigais. I guess I was just used to what blood look like that I didn't need the sense to visualize it anymore. I looked at his shoulders for what seemed like ever and I knew it was getting to him. I couldn't d help it. I knew there was blood there but I wasn't able to see it, so I decided that I would get proof, and I knew how I was going to do it would not fit well with him. Then, I didn't really care at that time.

Rukia had already started questioning Ichigo and gave him one of her ugly bitch looks. I could see that it didn't have an effect on him. I knew he would be a bastard, as I saw it in his eyes, and what he said just threw me off the wall literally. I knew he hated being the center of attention, or being worried about. But this, I didn't think he would take it this far. That is when I heard that statement.

"None of your damn business Rukia, I want you to just leave me the fuck alone. In fact I want all of you to leave me alone!" what he said had such venom behind it that I could see the hurt in everyone eyes. That was just uncalled for, completely unnecessary, and completely unexpected. The way it came out made Orihemi turn around I could briefly see the hurt in her eyes. Uryuu just ignored him and went to comfort her. Chad was, well, Chad as he just shook his head. Rukia was wide-eyed. I truly think she was caught off guard by this as well, I think we all were. I just couldn't stand there and let him do this. So I punched him as hard as I could. I just wanted to knock some sense back in that head of his. He hit the floor from the impact, and just looked up at me with those eyes. They had fear in them. I never expected that Ichigo would get scared from that. That was another determining factor for me, and I concluded that something was definately wrong.

I just grabbed him and picked him up and placed him back in the desk. There were no way he was getting away. Yeah that what I had told myself until I saw the fear and panic in his eyes. I grabbed him and ripped his shirt. The spot I was looking at finally drove me insane, and the smell of blood was really intoxicating at that point.

What I saw I was not even remotely ready for. I saw what looked like wounds on both sides of his collar bones, covered in bandages. It seemed like they were bleeding again. I could see the bandages were a bright red color. It also didn't help that he was wrestling with me to let him go after I had seen the real panic and genuine fear to set in him. I didn't have the heart to hold him there. I knew I had already gone too far, but I wasn't expecting that kind of response. I was expecting him to fight me, not cower from me in fear like this. After I let go he just bolted to the door, grabbing onto his ripped shirt, trying to cover everything. He just left and let the door closed with a slam.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

Everyone was looking at me like I had done something, but as far as I knew I hadn't. I was trying to keep him there so Rukia could get answers out of him. It didn't work in the long run, just like Rukia said it wouldn't, and I just gave her that look. I think I got more answers out of him them he realizes.

I wanted to kill whatever or whoever had done that to him. It was abuse and he didn't deserve that. I also saw bruises and black marks all down his ribs and sides of his torso, but the old scars are what did it. It looked like this had been going on for a while now. No wonder he insisted on treating himself when he finished in the Soul Society. It was just so startling to see, and I would have never guessed that from him, or that being done to him.

I should have listened to Rukia - no - I should have stopped him and confronted him then and there. The nice guy in my conscience got the better of me though. I can see that it scared him, and punching him and tearing his shirt didn't help either. At least I have some sense on what was going on, and with that, maybe we could figure the rest out.

That was when I decided I was going to save him. I wanted to save him because I admired him for his courage to stand up against the Soul Society. That was something I couldn't even do. That is also when I decided that I liked him too. It was that courage, and determination I loved about him. That sense of loyalty, and the will to save who is precious to you. I really had my eye on him ever since he beat me. I was counting on my death then, but out of his righteousness he just let me live. I had intended on killing him right them and there, he was a threat that needed to be eliminated.

I don't think I liked someone like that other than my captain which was Rukia brother Byakuya. I was hopeless in love there once, until it got crushed by the fact that he was straight and rich. The rich part was obvious, but the straight part I hadn't known. I had known he had a wife at one point, but there were rumors floating around about his sexuality. Rukia had informed me that he was in fact straight and the rumors were false. She ruined it, and I was depressed for weeks. What got me, was that I thought that she enjoyed the fact she had done did that. I don't think she would ever do that intentionally, at least I hoped she wouldn't. Though I think she saved me from myself, and here I am doing it again. But there is something about him - something that captivates the eyes that makes him shine so to say.

Rukia had sent everyone away when she had seen my look. She had promised them that if anything turned up or if Ichigo had decided to talk, she would tell them and let them know. I think she was more interested in why I had that look, because when she had ushered them out, she gave that look like she wanted to me to spill whatever was on my mind and I did. It was weird getting that look - I never had the latest on anything. She was usually the one who told me the rumors, and If it wasn't her than it was Rangiku that got me up to date. You see Captain Kuchiki hates rumors, especially the ones about him, so he made a rule that there is no rumor exchanging while around him. Hence is the reason I'm last in the loop of the latest gossip. You know it pretty sad that Lieutenant Kotetsu, of the 4th division medical squad gets the latest gossip before me. I think that he gave up on Rukia as far as the gossip, but she just doesn't tell him unless it is about him. And I think she does it just to get him riled up. What gets me is that she enjoys it, a little too much. She's a little devil sometimes, and do not tell her I said that either.

Rukia was standing there waiting and I couldn't even begin to formulate in coherent thoughts exactly what I saw or what I was feeling. It's a mixture of anger, concern, pity and some others emotions that I couldn't put a name to. It was just unexpected, he seemed totally opposite when he was in the Soul Society. I guess that is the fake mask everyone talks about, the one where it hides you and shows you something else. Though I think in a way what I saw was him, but it is just hidden now because of what is he was going through.

Rukia was getting impatient so I told her about what I saw, and what I planned to do.

"Come on Renji. Spill it, we do not have all morning, you know we have classes." She told me after I looked up at her and told her.

"Rukia, he has cuts on him, it looks like someone else did it to him, no way there were self-inflicted. They were too straight down, no sideways angles." I said as I was still trying to get over the blood smell that was still in the room. I do not know how Rukia could just ignore that. She just looked at me in disbelief, but she was still surprised that I had the guts to punch him and tear his shirt. She saw me tear the shirt but she didn't see the bruises or the cuts.

"He also had bruises all the way down both sides of his torso - some were even darker like they were there before the new ones." I said as she looked at me with concern.

"What are we going to do Renji, it not like we can help him when he doesn't want it? It just not right, look at what happened here. Though I think we got some insight on what is actually happening." I heard her say. I couldn't believe that she was ready to give up this so easily. This from her, she who can give the most evil bitch stares to get her way will not even force Ichigo to let us help him. What I found myself saying next was a little odd for me, usually it was Rukia trying to convince me to go along with her plan, not the other way around.

"Yes we are Rukia. It not right what is happening to him." Rukia looked me and smiled, it was one of those genuine smiles, which is something that very rarely comes from her.

"You like him don't you?" she said. She said this like she liked him too. I think she knew that deep down Byakuya would never accept him as a part of the family in the noble house. Usually those were arranged marriages, unless you're the head of the noble house. Of course like Byakuya was, he could marry anyone he chooses. I sort of blushed at this, because I never really thought of it as a like. It was more like an interest like. I had no idea even if he liked me that way or not, so how can I say that I liked him like that. Of course I knew what she meant, and it was all over my face. How could I deny it at this point the anger was fluttering through me?

"You don't have to answer I can see it, you actually care for him, more than I can. So I will help you with this." This was odd for her, being understanding. I figured she would have something smart to say about this, but what got me was she offered to help. She hardly ever offers to help anyone in the way of a relationship. This was not like her at all.

"Where is my Rukia, and what have you done to her?" I asked suddenly. She just shot me that 'don't push it Renji' look. I knew she would do that, but I couldn't resist it.

After she made it to the door and ushered me out of the room, she told me that I should follow him home. She also said that if he were to leave now, I should follow him regardless, and I agreed to do this. After that I heard the bell ring, I knew we were already late. Luckily, being the new student, I could use the excuse that I got lost and get away with it. Smart Hun.

* * *

**A/N: 7/10/12**  
**I am not happy with this chapter, and I think it sucks and Renji's is to OOC. Though I don't know maybe he's not. I hate Rukia in the manga and the anime so I made her a little bitchier so to say, so she is defiantly OOC. Anyways let me know what you think, and if you think Renji is to OOC than I will see if I can fix it. Also I want to thank anyone who took the time and read this, or read and commented.**

******Edited: 8/02/12:  
Fixed spelling mistakes, as well as grammar mistakes. Hopefully it's a little less jarring now and easier to read.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4**

Damn that bastard, how dare he' I thought as I rushed into the bathroom. I was nearly in tears by that time. All that ran through my mind was the thought of my father ripping my shirt off to cut me again. I saw the handcuffs and I couldn't take it. I knew it was Renji but still all that I saw was the knife and the handcuffs. I hit the door to the bathroom door with all my might and I heard it snap back and hit the wall with a bang. The door shut and I checked the bathroom to see if there was anyone around. Luckily it was empty, so I went and locked the door. The next thing I knew was that I was sliding to the floor, in front of the door, sobbing. The blood was all over me now and I didn't care. I just took the shirt off and threw it on the floor. All that ran through my mind was that he punched me, and that alone was enough to start the visions of my father. All I heard was my father calling me a dirty whore. He would tell me that before he would punish me or come into my room to torture me. If he was really on the JD rape me. I felt the knife all over again gashing through my collarbone, and it made them hurt worse. The thoughts were every vivid, as I heard him say that I needed to taught how to be a good faggot. Again, that word rang harshly in my mind as I started to believe him.

The word faggot replayed over and over in my mind. 'You are nothing but a faggot, a dirty whoring faggot' is what I heard him say. I lowered my head to the floor and cried. This was not a good day, and I knew that I would not make it through the day if I had to see Renji or Rukia again. So I stood up and turned the facet to the sink on and grabbed some paper towels from the dispenser and wet them. It burned like really fucking bad as I cleaned the blood up and tried to get the wounds to stop bleeding. This was usual for my father. He cut deep enough so the wound wouldn't stop bleeding, but not deep enough to need stitches. It was enough that the pain would radiate through my body until it started to heal. I finally got it to stop bleeding as I drag out the gauzes from my backpack and proceeded to cover and re-tape them. Then I drag out one of the extra shirts I brought from home and put it on.

I sighed as I checked the sink and floor to make sure there wasn't blood anywhere in sight. Then I grabbed the shirt I threw to side when I came in. Luckily there wasn't any blood anywhere as I unlocked the door and took a deep breath. I knew I couldn't go home, I knew he would be waiting for me. I had no idea if he finished what he was doing when he left this morning. I just took a deep breath as I exited the bathroom and tried to make to my home room before it was too much later, as the halls filled with people going to their home rooms. Thank god I thought Renji was not in my home room, nor was Rukia. I entered just as the bell rang and took my seat which was in the back, and waited for roll call.

The teacher bluntly screamed out names without any emotion. I heard name after name being called, until she called my name. At first I didn't hear her; I was still in my little world replaying again in my head what happened this morning. "Ichigo Kurosaki" I heard her call again as it brought me back out into reality. I answered her this time, as everyone now were staring. This wasn't unusual at all. This was a frequent thing that happened and everyone was just getting tired of it. If they knew what was going on they would understand it. They don't so they stare. Like staring is just going to fix it, pft yeah right. I just sat there and waited. They was no talking to anyone for me, I was in the back scowling like I usually do. I developed this so I wouldn't have to deal with society. It was hard enough dealing with my father, and going this by myself was preferable than the alternative.

I heard the bell rang and I set off to my first period class. Which was not one I preferred so I just decided to sit through it and not pay attention? It doesn't hurt my grades to not pay attention, because I will just read it later. Ha, I thought as I sat and waited for the bell to ring again in my own little world.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

It was nearing my 4th period class and I was regretting it. This is the period I have with Renji. I wanted desperately to skip it, but I knew I couldn't, because if I would, I'd get in trouble for skipping a class which would be just one reason more for my father to inflict even more pain on me. I walked in and placed my head down as I silently walked over to my corner seat on the right side of the room. Renji was already present and sitting near the middle of the first row , near the door. I just tried to ignore him but I could… I knew he looked directly at me but I tried to shrug it off and ignore him. I made it without incident to my seat in the back corner.

I Just sat there looking at my desk, this was normal for me since I started my junior year. Everyone including Tatsuki learned to ignore me and go about their daily gossip. Everyone that is expect Renji who was literally burning wholes through me just starting at me. But man he was hot doing it, there I go again damn it. How many times do I have to tell myself that I'm not gay, or am I? Those thoughts ran through my head again. I hated this; because overtime I look at him it triggers those damn thoughts. Maybe I was because I liked him, that's why I was always looking at him. No, No! I don't, he's a man, I only have sex with men because my father makes me, sells me to them.

I don't really know anymore. I am horribly confused and I just want this day to an end, as it was torturous today. I can't think straight. Too much has happened too fast. I am still stuck on last night, spending seven hours in the basement being tortured to cum when I couldn't. The feeling is still there, and it hurts. The marks are still on my wrists as I can still feel the ropes around my hands and the dick still in my ass.

I groaned as my head hit to the desk. This was normal too. Normal just about every day, every period. No one even cared anymore. Maybe it was because I always told them to mind their own fucking business. I never shared my feeling with anyone, because it would only hurt me more. If I told a soul about what was happening to me, what my father was doing to me, he would literally kill me. I have said this once before, I know I have, but the sad part is I cannot recall if I had at this point. I hate this lost feeling, not being able to remember what I said or did. He rules my life and now my head. I have no freedom, no hope. It goes downhill for here. I cannot remember anything after that point. Except the bell that singled the end of yet another school day.

The bell for the morning class seemed like it just rang five seconds ago, and now the bell for 3:00 P.M. dismissal had rung. 'Great' I though as I got my stuff from my locker. And now I have to deal with my father. He wanted me down at the distributor to load the alcohol he bought in his truck. This was the longest walk of my day. The Booze Store is what I called the distributor, which was on the other side of the town, near the exit of the town that led to Clearwater Providence. This was going be a major pain in my ass. I hated these trips down to the Booze Store. All he ever bought was the booze that made him meaner than the rest of them. I already knew what I was going to load cases of JD, Vodka, and Tequila. At least he was tolerable when he had vodka, and somewhat bearable when he had tequila. When he hit the JD, which was pretty much every day, he turned into that monster.

Great, I though everyone is there waiting for me, everyone except Renji which I though was odd. Where is he, was he already gone trying to avoid me. God, I hope not. I mean I may not want him around me, but I did want to look at him from a distance. He was fucking hot with all those gorgeous tattoo that lined his body. Shit, did I just blurt that out loud? Fuck! Damn it Ichigo scolded. You don't like guys; try to hold on to that straightness even though it feels it has left five years ago. I was still trying to convince myself, hell, I was trying for a lost cause. My father made sure it was a lost cause but it doesn't matter.

I just walked past them trying to ignore them. But that didn't stop the angry look feeling I got I knew it was Rukia. It doesn't matter I just padded on, trying with all my will not to even look back, which I must admit was hard to do. I knew I was hurting them even more by what I was going to do. It was not like I wanted to be tortured more than what was has already been done to me. I need to make it to the booze store. I need to make it there to load the truck. If I didn't, he would let me have it. I was ready off the hook for the throwing the first set away and If screw this up, I think I wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow. Or worse, be on the brink of death.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

I finally made it to the booze store. The owner knew it was me. He let me in even though the store was closed. I think he knows what happens when you defy my father. I saw my father's truck parked there. He must have gotten a ride to somewhere else because he wasn't there. The owner retreated to the back and told me to lock the door when I was done. Well this was wonderful, thirty cases of each kind lined up with a piece of paper marked as Kurosaki. Great, that alone was at least half of the thousand can if not more. If I know my father, he threatens him to get a deal, so I knew he paid less than the actual retail price.

I started to load the truck and I felt like someone was watching me. I looked around and saw no one. I hate that feeling when you think someone is watching you, but if you actually turn to look if someone's there, there's no one around. After about fifteen minutes give or take, I only looked down at my watch twice, and I had half of it done. That was when my father showed up. He looks at me and winked as I continued. He must been with the progress is all that I can think of for the reason he winked. It was only fifteen more minutes later that I finished. This is what I assumed - it was only an estimated fifteen minutes for the first half. Wishful thinking probably, that is when I finished loading the truck and he came around.

"Good, I'll not be home you hear, so take care of your sisters. And if I hear that you did something wrong, you will get it, you understand!" my father said as he took off with the truck and left to God knows where. At least it will be a week or so before he comes back broke and trashed to the bone. That means that I get a break - or so I thought. I started walking home and that feeling of someone following me doubled in intensity.

I'm scared, because I was starting to get this dreading feeling that something bad was going to happen. I walked a little faster and the feeling seemed to back off a while. When I reach Highland Street I looked back. That dreading feeling seemed to weaken in intensity but I was still there. It never exactly left when I left school, or when I traveled down here. I turned around and looked around, but again I didn't see anyone or hear anything. When I turned around to continue on what I was doing, that it when I felt some grab me and place something on my face. It had a horrible smell, and I started to feel a little light-headed. That is when I fainted.

* * *

**A/N: 7/16/12:  
Again I just want to thank all the readers that took the time to read this. Oh, and let's not forget the commenters that commented too. You're what keeps me wanting to continue this story.**

**OK poor Ichigo I know. But I promise that it will get better after a few more incidents. Just to let you know I do really feel bad for him, but this and the later incidents will make it better, and it will help start the relationship. So I guess just hold on a little longer and thank you for sticking with me. LDX :)**

**A/N: 7/28/12:  
OK so make sure to check out the news section of my profile if you want to keep up with what is happening or going to happen. Also that is where to check to see if the story you're interested in is on break or not. Anyways thanks again, and keep those Reviews rolling. LDX :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Edited: 8/03/12: ****  
should not be jarring as it should actually be correct. If not tell me than I give it another look. LDX :)**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

I got to the place that Rukia said humans called school, which I think is a glorified babysitting center seeing as how they don't practice mastering their Zanpaktus, learn Kido or even have simulation battles. Oh humans are weird. It was nearing the time for the school day to start, and still no sign of Ichigo, even though he avoids us we usually see him come to school, never stopping to join us but we all hope none the less he will stop by.

Rukia shot me a death glare as the bell rang to start the day. I know she told me to follow him, which I did but after watching him load a truck with several boxes for a couple of hours. I assumed he worked there and left not thinking much of it. I mean what could have possibly happened? The place was so far out of Karakura town that it looked like no one had been there in years let alone lived there for God's sake. The only thing that showed the place was still usable was the only road leading in or out of there. I was told by chad that the road out of Karakura town lead to Clearwater Providence which was one of the other districts of Karakura Town, and it was one of the lesser poorer districts.

"Renji care to explain where Ichigo is, I thought I told you to follow him last night?" She was giving me one of her famous looks I think she got from Kuchki Taichou that meant business. Everyone usually shrank away from her when she gave you this look. Even her own captain knew not to mess with her when she had this look.

"I did Rukia calm down…"

"Well then where is he Renji because his sisters came to me asking where he was?" she yelled and I sighed.

"He didn't come home? I followed him to this store near Clearwater providence and I assumed he worked there because he was loading a truck for a couple of hours so I left." I explained to her.

"Renji, baka that is the last part of town you want to not follow him in." scowled Rukia as she punched me in the back of the head. "Well since you couldn't keep tabs on him we will just have to go look for him after school" She said as she grabbed me and before I knew what was happening .We left our gigai's and told them to tell the other's to meet up at Urahara's later.

As we be began shunpoing toward the last place I saw him, I filled Rukia an exactly what I saw him doing. As I explained to Rukia the place was just as dead as I remembered it yesterday, except something fowl swept in the air, like something unspeakable just happened here recently I couldn't put my finger on it. But we knew it wasn't good.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

When I awoke, I was in a dimly lit room. I also heard a laugh I couldn't quiet place I tried to move only to feel restraint on my wrists and ankles. Screaming wasn't an option as I realized I was gagged as well. I looked around there was nothing with in sight that I could see. Only bear walls, like I was in basement of some kind. The room looked like it was abandoned, as it smelled really fucking badly in here. It had the smell of blood and sex. Like someone before me had it multiple times in here? It was gross to think about. Yuck, I thought as I looked down. It took a moment as I looked down to register that I was suspended in the air. Oh my fucking god! This isn't happening, and it was as I realized I was chained up in the air. That is when I heard someone or something entered, and I couldn't see it was behind me as I heard a door open and close with a thud. Then a click as it locked in place. I only assumed that it locked in place, I mean I heard the clicking sound that a lock would make.

"Good boy you're awake." I heard him say as he approached from behind. "I can smell your fear boy. Why are so nervous?" I heard him laugh in the mist of the sentence as it sent shivers up my back. "You shouldn't be, isn't this something you have several times before." I heard him say this as it brought a striking reality to it. I never told anyone, no one ever. How the hell did he know?" that sacred me as I started to struggle to get free, but it was no use. I was here to stay at the mercy of the man whom I had no idea who he was. He had complete control over me, and this scared the fuck out of me. At least when I was going through this, I was under the supervision of my father. So if it threatened his money maker's life it was usually put to a stop. Now there was no one, no body, just him and me. This wasn't good.

"Now, now stop struggling you're only making me harder. I found you, did you think you hide from me boy. I can sense you, smell you, everything about you even your darkest secrets." That was just creepy. How can he I thought? I didn't even know him. At least that what I thought as I couldn't place the voice either. I couldn't see his face he was behind me. Nothing was going in my favor in this situation, nothing. I was fucking doomed, and with no escape.

"I know you want me to fuck you. I know you do…" he laughed again as my eyes widened while he began to trail his calloused hands towards my undoing. "See you're getting hard just thinking about what I'll do to you, your just a little bondage faggot aren't you? I felt it slip down, as I looked down and saw it. I shivered as my last protection was ripped off. I was naked now, shaking with fear, as the dreaded helpless feeling was settling in. I knew it. I struggled and found that I was trying to scream against the gag, which was muffled and reduced to angry moaning. I heard them rattling as I tried with all my strength to break them. It was no use they just wouldn't break. What did I expect that out of the mercy of god that just this once something would role in my favor? Hell yeah right, maybe in a dream that would happen. But this is not a dream, as much as I wanted it to be so; this was the cold harsh reality I was in. Nothing was in my favor, nothing ever was.

"Stop screaming against the gag, you don't want to make me mad now do you?" He slapped me across the face. What the fuck I though, as I shot him that defying look. "What got a little balls now boy?" he looked at he with those eyes, it induced fear in me, but I never resolved with my look. "I see" as he slapped me again. "You need to learn exactly who the fuck is in charge here boy." he looked at me again as he struck me in the stomach. I just stammered as I lost my breath. It hurt bad as I tried to catch my breath.

"Learning is only the first part boy. And you have a lot to fucking learn." He disappeared in the room, then he came out holding a whip it was black with a bunch of little spikes on it.

"Now boy you will learn exactly who is in charge. And for your first task you're going to count them as I deliver them. If you miss one of them I get to restart you understand. So pay very close attention to them." laughed the man as he started with it and I counted "one" I said as I heard clash and I whined in pain. "Two" …

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

"Renji I can't believe you couldn't just listen to me!" growled Rukia at me. Walking past the store and up the street we continued to follow the small bread crumb trail of Ichigo's spiritual pressure. "How hard was it for you to just follow him HOME not to where he was for a couple hours but actually home! His father and sister's will be worried sick about him."

"Rukia I'm sorry. How many times I have to tell you that!" I said sorrowfully. I was really starting to worry about Ichigo. It was nearing the evening now and still we couldn't get a strong sense of his spirit pressure. I wanted to stay and see him home safely but after what happened at school and seeing those markings on his chest bleeding like that I couldn't stay any longer. How could those injuries have happened? He's one of the most powerful death gods around even if he's young. I had to go and think about what's been going on with him we were friends, we battled together, we trained with each other pushing ourselves to reach Bankai and save our friends.

"Renji I'm sorry. It's just that when we came back and everyone told us how Ichigo was I couldn't believe it than I actually saw him and how shut of he was to everyone even us he genuinely looked like he didn't care. On top of that I Yuzu came up to me to ask if I I'd seen him and I hadn't, Renji she looked so worried and mumbled something about how he was too injured to have gone to school. Before I could ask anymore, Karin pulled her away to school so they weren't late. I didn't get to ask what she meant by that." Rukia was trying to comfort us. Where the hell is he?

We continued down the street until our trail stopped cold and so did I.

"Rukia do you sense anything?" I asked as I wasn't sure if I was the only one that sensed the sudden break in the trail we were following.

"No it just breaks off here. Renji this isn't good, I don't sense anything beyond here." Rukia told me in a worried tone I was feeling it to, the sudden worry and I couldn't help but feel that I was to blame for him missing. God please let him be alive I don't know what I'd do if was my fault he died, how would I explain it to his sisters, his father or even the gang of all people.

"Renji, we need help we have to tell them, we have to Renji…" She was so sincere I couldn't say no. After all they had been through with Soul Society; I knew this was bigger than me than both of us, if we were even remotely going to have a chance of finding him we would have to involve them.

"Should we send for his family as well?" I heard myself ask. I didn't really want to involve them but I really was worried for Ichigo, and I would suck up my pride and involve them if it meant I would see him again alive and safe.

"Renji no, let's just try them first. Let's not add any more confusion to this mess ok, one problem at a time." She was really counting on the shear man power to find him. To say she was using chance to find Ichigo was putting it mildly, I doubt they will be able to find Ichigo anymore than we can. Rukia was right not involving the family. After only being a couple of hours, they would have caused too many problems anyways.

Sighing I said we should look a little further than go get the re-enforcements. She scanned the left while scanned the right. I spotted a cloth hanging of a fence a little ways from the shop I last saw him at and went to inspect it. Luckily I just caught a whiff of it, because whatever was on it smelled awful. I coughed and rubbed my head, this shit was strong. On top of that it looked like it was fresh, like it had just been dropped. I walked over to Rukia and gave it her telling her not to smell it.

"Yuck! What the hell is this stuff, it reeks and I'm feeling a little light-headed." She was looking a little wobbly so I took it from her and place it in my pocket. She recovered somewhat and walked off, it was nearly nightfall. We approached Urahara's shop and found our gigai's near the entrance playing cards, we quickly hoped in them and entered the shop where we lead to by Jinta and Uruu towards the conference room. We certainly had some explaining to do.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

"Fifteen." I counted as braced for another. "No boy sixteen… Sixteen!" he yelled as he restarted. "One" he said as I heard it smack down. I groaned in pain screaming out. I hurt like hell, and I could feel the blood running down my back. I was crying in pain.

"Well, I can see by your shaking that your done…," he said as he flicked it to the floor, I heard the blood drops hit the floor. It sounded slickly as it splattered there. "but you're not by far done with anything I have planned. You still haven't learned a damn thing, defying me by not keeping count and defying me by giving me that look. Soon oh soon boy I will break that beautiful body of yours. He left as I hung there, my will my desire was weakening. I did not how much more I could take; he was beating it out of me. My want to fight was leaving, as I just wanted it to end. I just wanted to go home.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

After explaining everything, I was surprised to find that no one was mad or blamed me for Ichigo's current situation.

"Renji we don't blame you for what's happened to Ichigo. We've all been worried about his behavior and only wish to find him and help him." Urahara stated.

"I agree with Urahara. Ever since he returned from saving Rukia he refuses to see us, as if we don't exist." added Uryu.

"Please let's just find Kuraski-Kun before he's gone and we never see him again." Orhime exclaimed.

"Do you two have a plan of action as to finding him?" Urahara asked.

"Yes, Rukia and I found a piece of cloth with Ichigo's spiritual pressure surrounding it by this store near the poor districts. We searched a pretty large area around there but we should expand the search more into the outskirts of town, I have a feeling he was taken there thinking no one would go looking for him." Renji exclaimed, while handing the cloth to Urahara.

"Oh my, it sounds to me like our young Ichigo has gotten himself into some serious trouble! This has been dipped in what humans call chloroform, it causes the victim to go un-consciousness and suffer from mild amnesia in most cases. Seeing how intense Ichigo's spiritual pressure is I'm sure the side effects don't matter to him." explained Urahara.

No I thought this is not happening, could I have really left Ichigo do his death? How could someone even sneak up on him, he took down Captain Zaraki and my Captain? Why hadn't he turned into his Shinigami form?

As I peered up from my thought's I saw everyone chatting amongst themselves, going in circles about what we should do to find him, I couldn't take it anymore I stood up.

"Listen, now! Ichigo is out there and we have no idea where he is. He's gone missing for one day already and I'm not about to make it two. If I didn't think Ichigo could take care of himself I wouldn't have left him alone, honestly he beat the crap out of Kenpachi I didn't realize how serious he has withdrawn from you guys and even himself. Something is wrong with him and I will figure it out if I have to beat it out of him." Everyone just stared at me with awe and surprise, as if I was a captain or something. I had to put on a brave front right now. Everyone was scared we'd find him dead somewhere, and so was I but they didn't need to hear that. As I had everyone's attention I gave my plan of action.

"Alright we will search until sun down, which should give us plenty of time to come back before nightfall. We should break up in teams of three. I'll go by myself to where I last saw Ichigo while you Chad and Inoue will stay here with Urahara just in case he comes back and needs healing. Rukia and Uryu will go to his house and ask his sister's and father if they've noticed anything strange going on with him or people he's recently been hanging out with.

Turn the volume up on your phones and be sure to let everyone know if you've found something understood?"

After receiving a nod from everyone Chad and Inoue went to a spare room to set up a healing station, while Rukia and Uryu left for his house. I jumped out of my gigai and was turning to leave when Urahara grabbed my wrist, giving me a thoughtful and knowing nod and with that I was gone off to find my friend and my soul mate.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

I think somewhere along that time when he left I fell asleep, because when I awoke I screamed only to realize that I couldn't. I heard something coming, it stopped at the door and I heard it open. I was scared as I didn't know what to expect. The pain at this point came creeping back as I groaned.

"Awe I see so you are awake? I thought so, but I didn't want to disturb you." he laughed as he came into the room. I heard it as the clunk from whatever he was wearing sounded in the room. That is when I saw the shiny knife in his hand as he circled around in from of me.

"It seems that our play time has been cut short, but no matter I had fun regardless. I sure you did to, but I am not to please with the service you provide. It positively shitty, and you are as worthless as they come. You father should regret offering something like you to the world." He just looked at me as he brought the knife up to my throat.

"I have noticed in my line of work, that when a person life is at stake the truth comes out. But I don't want the truth, I want your life. I want to drain it out of you. I want to watch you suffer as it comes to an end." His eyes changed in that moment like something in him changed. I didn't know what to do. This man was crazy.

"Oh, pretty boy" he said in a demented voice, "I have a game I want to play." I just looked at him "I call it twenty questions. Each time I ask a question and you answer them. Here are the rules, I ask as many questions as I want, and you answer them. Mouth off and I do something that you would not like. Lie and well, I just leave you guess on that one." He looked at me as he twirled the knife in his fingers. I knew what not answering meant, getting stabbed or cut. "Tell the truth, you get to extend your life longer. Don't answers well let just say that it will not be in your best interest to.

"Question one. Oh I want to play today so let's make this one easy." He removed the gag as I screamed for help.

"Bad Boy!" He took the knife and slashed at my chest. I screamed as the blade hit my chest and drew blood. I just screamed as he made the gash.

"Again question one. Is your name Ichigo Kurosaki?" I just looked at him. Was he serious, I didn't think so? If this was seriously a game why start so easy. So I just hung there looking at him with a questioning look.

"Come on boy this is easy. Just answer my question!" he demanded and I just looked at him. Did he think this was a game? This is my life hanging in the balance so I knew this was not a game for me.

"Yes" I said as I looked at him, as the blood ran off me and dripped on the floor. Eyes still dead set on that knife that now was stained in blood.

"Well, well. He does follow directions. Very good, you get to live for one more question."

"Question two. "Is it true that you work for Mr. Reeves?"

"Yes" I answered as I looked at him. This was starting to get stupid or was he really toying. It was hard to tell at this point.

"My god two in the row, I have to make this harder."

"What is the name of your lover?" I just looked at him, he can't be serious. I do not have a lover; I have never had a chance to even fall for anyone. This question was out there, totally unanswerable.

"I…" I was cut off then with a sly remark from him.

"Liar!" he then plunged the knife in me as I screamed out in pain. "I said I know everything about you. You hold a certain red-head in high regards. I watched you around him, you light up to him, even if you push him away.

"Question three. "What is his name?" I groaned, I didn't want to tell him, he was a friend even if didn't want any. Even though I pushed them all away I still cared. I save one from the Soul Society; this proves how far I will go for them.

"No answer, one more chance now. What is his name?" I didn't answer just looked him in the eyes.

"Such a shame, it seems that question time is over, and sadly my time for this night has come to an end. And for you yours has come to a complete end. While it's been entertaining to play host, sadly I must now see to your leave." He Reach over and plunged the knife in me as I screamed out in pain. He continued to do so until I fainted. At least I think I fainted at that point. Trying to remember is hazy at best. I seem to remember being in the woods, but even that I remotely dream like. But I knew my body was covered in blood, I felt it, as I felt someone pick me up. All I is I tried to fight them off, but I felt something warm. It was so comforting as I leaned into it.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

As I retraced my steps from the last place I saw Ichigo I began venturing into the woods that separated Karakura town from the poorer districts, the sun begun setting and still no sign of Ichigo. I couldn't leave him again. I was about to turn around when I heard a scream or something like it and I quickly shunpoed toward it.

I barely reached the forest floor when I smelt the familiar sent of blood. As I began to get closer to the source I felt traces of familiar reitsu. I broke into a sprint in the direction I smelt the blood and stopped cold in my tracks gasping loudly at the sight before me.

There he was a smeared blood trail leading to my Ichigo, surrounded by a pool of fresh blood; his naked body looked like it had been thrown of a building. Bruises, cuts, and burns covered him from head to toe along with dirt, sweat, blood, urine, and sadly semen. I knelt down and called his name pushing him over onto his back.

"Ichigo? Ichigo can you hear me?" I called, whipping some of the blood of his face. His front was worse than his back, it looked like he had been stabbed several times pretty deep and his spiritual pressure was slowly disappearing, I took off my kimono and draped it around him.

Picking my phone from my hakama called Urahara telling him to say I found Ichigo and to be ready to heal him.

"Oh my god Renji" I heard Rukia say worried "Is he alright? Is he alive?" I heard her ask through the phone

"Yes Rukia he is alive, but he needs medical attention." I said as I tried to keep the conversation short, I knew he needed medical attention and the Q&A could wait till I got him taken care of.

"What do you mean?" Rukia shouted through the phone, everyone began asking questions.

"Listen Rukia, everyone I'll explain when I get there ok." As I closed my phone I looked down at Ichigo, and picked him up. He tensed up and began to thrash around so I held him closer to my heart and kissed the top of his head, "shhh Ichigo your safe. I'm here now." As he melted into my arms I squeezed him tight to my chest. I'll never let you out of my sight again, I promise, and with that I made my way back to Urahara's.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

The door to the shop opened before I landed and I shoved passed Chad, Rukia and Uryu towards Urahara, Inoue and Tessai. I laid Ichigo down on the bed made for him and as my coat was taken of off him I heard gasps from everyone.

Urahara told everyone to leave as him, Inoue and Tessai got to work.

"Renji, what happened?" Rukia asked.

Looking down at my blood stained kimono I just shook my head and went outside.

* * *

**A/N: 8/03/12:  
Well, we have another chapter after a long and anticipated wait. Yes I know it sucked to wait, but I managed to complete this chapter along with the help of the awesome and magnificently gifted Zaraki-lover 21. Make sure to thank her just much as me as she had a major part in this chapter as well. In fact you should praise her for her awesome beta skills. Without her help there probably would not have been another chapter done as fast, and you all would have waited even longer. Well enough with that haha.**

**Oh and boom another cliff hanger don't you just love them? You all are going to have to wait and see if he dies or not. haha. I'm not telling either.**

**Anyways if you want to show your support you can by either Favoring, Following, or Reviewing. Remember that reviews are always welcomed and appreciated. I as in the author love reviews so keep them coming, and I'm sure that Zaraki-lover 21 would like them too. LDX :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6**

How the hell was I going to explain this to them? It was horrible never had I seen that in my life. Sure the battles and wars we fought were bad, but nothing like this. I could not come to terms with what I saw. That is when I heard Rukia followed me out. She had that look on her face, like she knew what I was going through. I guess she really did in a way. She along with Ukitate Taichou watched as Kiaen Shiba literally threw his life away for the sake of his pride. But that was different, it wasn't her fault. This was my fault. I should have never left him there. I should have never assumed. And look at the cost? He is almost... No! I refuse to think this way, he a fighter a survivor he'll get through this right? Kuchiki Tachiuco couldn't bring him down, Hell Kenpachi couldn't either. He is one of the strongest people I know. So I refuse to believe that this would bring him down.

"Renji, seriously are you going answer me or not?" she asked kind of pushy. Really that was starting to irritate me to no end. Can she not see that I'm dealing with this, that I have no idea what to tell them? That I had no idea what to tell myself? All I keep thinking is will he make it. How can I ever make it up to him? How will I explain this to his sister or his father?

There were mixed emotions flowing all through the shop, as everyone watched in anticipation. More eyes were on me than watching the door that was closed where Ichigo was. They were watching to see if I would lose it. I was close too, but the more I thought about it the more I thought about him too. If I was going to be there for him then I had to keep it together, and most of all have hope. I also had to be strong. Worrying was only making worse for the rest of them.

I wanted to kill who or whatever did this to him. That flicker of emotion showed through when I had left to go outside. I looked back, and it seemed that Rukia changed her approach. She caught the look on my face. I knew she knew that I gave that look. It was because of the way her mouth twitched. It was like she was going to say something and then didn't. I think she knew I didn't know what to say. I think she also knew I was hurting too. I know I said I would explain everything when I got back. What was there really to explain? They all seen him, gasping in shock, but they had seen it. They all seen the kimono covered in blood. In fact it was still in my hand. I realized that I was still carrying it. I looked at it when the horror of what I saw flashed back. I was merely deciding what I was going to do with it. But what I saw it caused me to shutter as I shook my head. It drew even more silence, which is when I just dropped it. There was nothing more to do with that I could come up with. To make worse that damn vision of Ichigo was still in my head. I never wanted to never see anything like that again. I never wanted him to go through that again. It killed me to see him hang in the fringe of life and death. He didn't deserve that. He wanted to give it up all on his own to save something dear to him. Why should someone have that power to force it out of him? That alone wasn't right.

"Renji," I heard her say in here most sincere voice. "I'm sorry I really Am." I could not believe it, she was actually sympathizing. That alone drug me back to reality, and I didn't even think she had in her. I thought that Kuchiki Taichou's coldness had rubbed on her completely. She walked up and hugged me. That was also odd. It was one thing to sympathize, but another for Rukia to show her emotions. That wasn't way of the mighty Kuchiki clan. I was just glad to see that Kuchiki Tachico's coldness didn't rub completely off on her.

When he was gone it was like a complete coldness brushed over me. It felt like I had died inside, like I lost everything. When I touched him, found him, which was the warmest I felt since he was gone. It was good to be embraced by Rukia as well. But it would be even better if I was embraced by Ichigo, returning the feelings I had for him back.

"I found him, Rukia…" I found myself starting. It just slipped out for some reason. Like it was building up on my chest and I had to say something anything. She just looked at me giving the look of encouragement. "I found him… in the forest… I paused as the memories flashed back again, but I had to continue. They all wanted answers. Even if what I provided was nothing they wanted to know. The world had evils, bigger evils than I originally thought. For the one that did that to him was as evil as they come. She looked and didn't say anything.

"I followed the scent of blood when I entered the forest." I continued shuttering with each recall I made. "It got stronger when I approached him. That didn't even come close to what I saw on him." She looked at me with those concerned eyes again. I couldn't look at them I was too embarrassed and too full with emotion to look up. "He was in pool of his blood, Rukia, in his own blood. There were drag marks left leading to where they dumped him. I could see the blood in those marks. He was dumped there Rukia, Left there with the intention of no one finding him!" I just stopped. The thoughts that were running through my head of what could have possibly happened to him were vivid and quite disturbing. Rukia just listened, nodding with every statement. It was a non-judging look but I could tell she had more questions, questions that I didn't have the answers to. I know they thought that I should have more answers; I was the one that found him for god sake.

"He had so many stab wounds, and the blood coming out everywhere from them. What got me was the smell of sex. No I should say rape." She just gasped at my realization.

"Renji!" I knew she wanted to yell. It was hard to look at her like that. The striking realization from her, from everyone really was hard to take. I blamed myself for all of this. If I had done what she said, this would have never happened. He would be safe, not laying there on the brink of death with everyone waiting around like we were waiting for his funeral service. I was desperately hoping it wouldn't come to that, I really was.

"It was all over him, dried on even. I could see the dirt, sweat, blood, and even seamen on him. He was left there naked for god sakes, left to die without a second thought or care." When I finished that thought I was ready to punch out a wall. I wanted to wail on anything really. Anything would have been good so I could do to take my mind off of it. I was worried about Ichigo, as I desperately prayed for him to survive this. I wanted to see that scowl again, even if it was for a smart remark I made to him. I just wanted to see him alive again, was that too much to ask for?

I saw Urahara come into the room after he settled everything with Ichigo, Orihemi, and Tessai. I guessed that the healing was proceeding. I knew from the extent of his injuries, that it was going to take a while. He withdrew to his seat with his usual look, as I watched him. Did he really intend on making someone ask what was going on, if was he ok? So I asked him, rather shortly and impatiently.

"Is he going to be alright?" I asked him looking at him with a genuinely concerned look. This was my love he had in his hands even if he was not a part of it directly. He just looked over and gave me that look, that look he always gave when presented with the unknown.

"It's too early for anything definitive yet." I just looked at him when he said that, as it didn't help one bit. In fact he just made it worse by saying I could feel the fear creeping up along with the guilt. "We all know he's a fighter until the end, he will pull through it. Just trusting in him is all we can do for him now." I heard him say that and I just hung my head. Why for once couldn't he just lie to us a little, give us hope. I realized that it was Urahara were talking about he doesn't know how to lie. Only riddle the truth up to make you work for the answer yourself. Still he tried to reassure us for whatever that was worth, and that is all we can ask for I guess.

I just couldn't handle it anymore, the waiting. It is one thing to wait, but another when the person you loves life was on the line. I knew it was going to be a matter of time, that there was nothing I could do. It still didn't help. I wanted to be in there with him, to help him through it. I knew I couldn't be, and that simply killed me to be left here waiting and hoping that I would be lucky enough, that he would be lucky enough to survive this. It was an insurance that Orihemei was in there with him, which he was in good hands. I knew that with her in there, that everything would be done or exhausted before she would give up. That helped me through this to know that she was just as concerned with this as I was that she wouldn't give up either.

I just looked away from the door and from everyone as I made back inside of the room. I found and open space, and just sat down. I didn't care where it was. I sat there and putting my head in my hands. I knew there was nothing more I could do, and it hurt that much more to realize that. Rukia made it over to me and place her hand on my shoulder, I looked at her.

"Renji…" she said "I know it's bad, but you have to know it's not your fault. There was no way you could have known that was going to happen. Maybe it could have been prevented; maybe it could have been you instead of him." She looked at me trying, even though this was not her strong suit, to comfort me. "We will never know that for sure, or know if it could have been avoided. All you can do now is promise him that you will never let it happen to him again, and be there for him when he recovers.

"Really can I Rukia. I let him down once." I said as I looked down to the floor again.

"Renji, look at me." she shook me until I looked at her, I seen that she was one step from slapping me silly. "Do you love him or not!" I just looked up at her; she said that like she needed to be convinced. Hell maybe I needed to be convinced. I know that I do love him, but can I say for sure that I can guarantee his protection? Can I even say for sure that I can be there for him when he needs the most? But I knew the answer to her question, I knew deep down from the first day I meet him. We sort of connected somewhat, even though it felt like he was hiding something from me. So I answered her question as reassuringly as I could

"Yes, I do."

"Then show him, promise him that you will never let it happened to him again Renji. It's just that simple. Don't worry about the other things they will work out in the end, I promise." She finished as I got up, and everyone looked at me.

"I'm sorry everyone this was my fault, but I promise to fix it, whatever it takes." I said as I looked at Rukia and looked at both Chad and Uryuu.

"Rukia, can you please come with me, I have to tell his family." I said as I looked at her with fear in my eyes. This is not what I want to do, but I will own up to it and I will fix this no matter what.

"Renji no, we'll do it you just stay here." I heard her say as she looked at me with those eyes telling me to listen to her. But I couldn't, I needed to fix this, I needed to take the responsibility and tell his family. I could have prevented it, so you could say I did just as much to him as the person who did that to him.

"No Rukia!" I said, "This is my fault and I will fix it, starting with his family. I will do whatever it takes, and then prove that I will protect him no matter what." I had the fierce determination in my eyes as I looked at the door. "Promise me the minute it's done that you tell me." I said looking at both of them. They just nodded and I continued out the door.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

We made it to Ichigo house, Rukia and I hesitated as I finally built up the courage to knock on the door. His kid sister Yuzu answered the door, and it was clear that she had been crying, and was worried sick about her brother. I couldn't look at her anymore, I knew it was rude but the guilt was building up even more.

"You found him didn't you?" she asked, and all I could do was nod to answer her. My throat lumped up as the fear and nervousness took over.

"Yuzu where Karin and Mr. Kurosaki" I head Rukia say as she touched her on the shoulder trying to comfort her. Rukia was always better at this then I was.

"There inside, Karin is in her room and Dad is…" I looked at her as I noticed something wasn't quite right. I had the feeling like I was missing a very important piece of the puzzle. I couldn't put my finger on it, just like I couldn't figure out that feeling I felt in that dead section of town we went to when we went looking for Ichigo. I ignored it for the time being, but I still was conscious of it. Now wasn't the time to question it or ask anything regarding it? We were here to tell them about Ichigo, to tell them we found him alive but barely.

We walked in as Yuzu told us to wait, and we sat down on the sofa. She went upstairs and got both Mr. Kurosaki and Karin. She found and brought them both down stairs. I looked like she had woken up Mr. Kurosaki up from a hell of a night and I smelled something vinegar like smell when he came in the room. I just looked at him as it looked like he was not quite with it, or that he was too wasted to even know what was what.

"I sorry…" I began as I put my head down. "I found Ichigo in the woods, he was…" I stopped I had no idea what to say. I didn't know how to put so it didn't sound so nasty. I didn't want to put worse things in his sister's minds. The world was evil and they were too young to learn what those evils were.

"We found him close to death" I heard Rukia say as I looked up at her. "He was attacked by something and left in the woods by the resort. We have him over at Urahara's shop getting treated for him wounds. I imagine tomorrow you can see for a while." She finished. It was allot more pleasant than what I would have said. She got most of it and didn't even go into detail of what really happened. I was impressed that she was able to do that, but still it didn't stop his sisters from insisting that they wanted to see him now.

"No one can yet…" Rukia explained as I looked at Mr. Kurosaki who now seemed like he was eyeing me suspiciously. I got the feeling that he didn't approve of me, that I was a threat to something. I also go the feeling that he was controlling. I could see in his eyes as he glared at me. I immediately wondered if he was the one that did that to Ichigo that day I pulled him into the class room. Something about him made me nervous and conscientious of him, like he was hiding something, but I couldn't prove it. I wanted to ask him right then and there if he was involved in that somehow, and I wanted to accusing him a hurting Ichigo and to threaten him not to do it again, but I knew I couldn't accuse him of anything without proof, and the only one that had that was Ichigo and he wasn't talking.

"He's in recovery getting treated for his wounds; it probably won't be until tomorrow before he awakes." I heard her finish, as I came back to reality. Both of them looked at her like they couldn't believe it, like that couldn't happen to brother. I couldn't help but feel responsible yet again for this, seeing them look at her like that.

"Yuzu, Karin" I heard Mr. Kurosaki say "Please don't worry about him and try to get some sleep tonight. Please now get to bed it late as it is." I hear him say in him most delicate and caring voice. It was like all my suspicions were miss placed; I couldn't tell if I was fake for real. I found myself questioning if he was capable of it or not. "We'll go see him soon, I promise, but now he needs time to recover. Going to see him now will only slow that process down." I heard him explain as both of them seem to understand and reluctantly trudged up the steps. I watched him carefully; even though I was proven wrong it still didn't seem right. That feeling seemed too egged on in the air the longer I stayed there.

When the sound of them disappeared he looked straight at Rukia.

"Now tell me what really happened." He said looking genuinely concerned as he sifted his eyes to me.

"Your son was raped, attacked, and beaten to the brink of almost dying" I said without thinking first, which was probably why Rukia took over for me when the girls were down here. When I finished that statement I could have sworn I seen him smirking. It came and went just as fast. I felt really uncomfortable then when I saw that smirk, and Rukia seemed to not notice or if she did was not giving letting anyone know she did. When I looked again there was that really concerned looking on his face. It was like that smirk was never there.

"Oh no, my boy, How could this have happened!" he said as he moved over to the window and looked out of. He looked genuinely upset and concerned as I again felt guilty for leaving him alone.

"I'm sorry sir, I was supposed to be looking out for him." that all I could manage to get out before having to leave the room. Rukia looked over at me when I turned and headed for the door.

"Please sirs were really sorry, and please excuse Renji…" I heard Rukia say "It's getting rather late too and we should go. We just wanted to tell you what happened for his sake." Before I knew it she was outside and telling me again to calm down, and that it wasn't my fault. I just didn't believe her, and now the guilt was really setting in as I watched all three of them genuinely concerned for him. Well maybe two of them, but still that was enough.

"Common Renji, let go see how he's doing, Maybe he awake now." she said as put her arm around my waist. I knew it would have been around my shoulders if she could reach but I knew she couldn't. I also knew she was doing it to comfort me just like all those other times she had. If it really came down to it she was capable of comfort, but it seemed like she was adopting some of the Kuchiki tactics as well.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

We arrive back at the shop, to see that nothing had changed. It had taken all but three hours to tell his family that he had been attack. I got the feeling that his father was the cause of it, but that changed the moment he was genuine concerned. I didn't know at the point, but I seemed to me that something was off about his father, that he played certain parts well to hide things. I still had no proof of this so I didn't voice my concerns.

I settle in with the rest of them who seemed to make themselves comfortable either on the chairs or the couch. I need I was in for a long night even if he was healed enough. He would have to rest, and that was even if he woke up after that. I scared me that he might not want to wake to deal with it again, that maybe somewhere deep down he wanted to let go of it all. I was not going think that way; in fact I knew he would come back to us. So I settled back into the spot on the couch I sat it and tried to get some sleep. I knew it would be impossible but hell I still have to try at least for him I will.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

I hurt like hell, that all I remember before waking up in this new place. I saw both Shiro and Zangetsu here. This was not right; I chose to leave this all behind. Zangetsu was staring at me like he was disappointed, but it was more of a fear than disappointment. I could see it in his eyes; he was always easy to read. I got up feeling heavy and out of place, like I didn't belong here. I looked down I was no longer in my clothes, but in my kimono. I looked around and saw nothing but a blue crystalline surface that leads to edges that seemed to drop off into nothingness.

I recognized this place, I fought here before. I had to win back Zangetsu from Shiro, but Shiro was nowhere to be seen. I could have sworn that I saw him earlier.

"Looking for me." I heard that voice. There was not mistake it, It came was Shiro. I turned around and I saw him as he laughed that crazy laugh. It sent shiver down my back as I watched him.

"Now, now what's there to be afraid of king, I fought you could handle anything. Did Zangetsu trust the wrong one with his power?" He laughed again as I stood there afraid, I didn't what to do. I reached and couldn't feel Zangetsu on my back, which really scared me; I had nothing to protect myself from Shiro.

"Oh looking for this?" he laughed again, that was really starting to annoy me. "It seems that you are off your game today king. Just relax and I'll make this quick." He said as he lunged at me, and I quickly dogged it rolling out-of-the-way. I got up and faced him.

"Oh what this Got your confidence back have we, or is this just another one of your ploys? I know why we don't ask daddy." I just looked at him. "Oh no, did I hit a nerve, sorry king but today I make the calls not you!" He lunged it was faster than last time as he caught me. I gagged as he had me by the throat. Je was cocking me, as I tried to break free.

"I knew it, it just another ploy, a game. I can't believe that he chose you over me." His sick breath made me want to throw up as I tried harder to loosen his grip. I quickly found that I couldn't, that I lacked the strength to.

"Just give up, you're worthless. I have Zangetsu, and I have the power. What do you have to hang on to, oh wait nothing?" I looked down as I was hanging over the edge. I gasp as it tried to free myself so I could recover before falling. His grip on my neck tightened as he acted like he was going to drop me.

"Oh no, King might die, he on the verge again. Somebody save him from Me." he mocked with that condescending look of concern on his face. I looked at him again, and the rage in my eyes just flared. How dare he mock me I thought?

"What nothing to say, no please don't or a demand to put you down." He said as he looked into my eyes trying to induce fear.

"I will not give you the satisfaction." I said as I looked him straight in the eyes. I was not going to let him break me into submission. I am better than that, stronger than that. I am stronger than he ever will be, and I will prove it to him.

"Ouch, you wound me. The mighty Ichigo spoke an insult. What wait you're still here, oh that must mean…" he stopped just smiling at me.

"There is no one left to save you now is there. Renji gone king, your friends abandoned you. You are all alone here there is no one going to save you now. You know what you are mine now, and you know it." He laughed in my face, that sick breath making me gage again as I looked at him with that piercing look.

"I know that what you're thinking. He has been there before. They have been there before" I heard that snide in his voice. I hated it. I hated him. I wanted it all to go away. I just glared at him as I looked him straight in the eye. I was not going to let him control me like this.

"You think you have it don't you. You think that you can kill me here." I told him as I grabbed Zangetsu from his hands. He let go of me and grabbed it with both hands. The edge that I was hanging over disappeared as we were both standing on the crystalline structure again, and I battled him trying pulling it out of his hands.

"You think you're worth it, I want you to prove it." I told Shiro as he looked at me, his eyes widened as the Zangetsu slide out his hands and into mine. "Now I will show you how worthless I really am." I yelled as I lunged to him he just dogged it and laughed.

"So the king remains the king, I see then. Maybe you earned it back this time, but trust me I will always be there watching you. Slip up again and I will be there to rock your throne King, so watch yourself." He vanished as he gave that god awful laugh he had, and I looked at Zangetsu. He appeared to be pleased with what I did. He had that glint of approval in his eyes.

"You have a lot to learn Ichigo." He said as he jumped down from the sword that he was standing on. "I'm happy that you remembered you have it in you. Why might I ask can you not show it when it counts." I just looked at him. I knew what he was talking about. He wanted to know why I was letting my father push me around like that, and I still wondered that same thing today. Maybe because part of me still thinks the real him is in there somewhere lost, just like I am with Shiro. I don't know, but something in me wanted to from the time I was born to save it all and everyone no matter what. I guess I wanted to be a hero, a savior.

"I want to trust you, I do, but I will not stand idly by while you allow him to do this. You are my concern, what I want is for you to succeed, to live. How can I do that when you refuse to allow me to help?" I hung my head in shame. I knew I had failed him, and that he had a point. He was my power that was a part of me just as much as I was a part of him. We are connected even though he is my weapon. I knew from the time I told my father that I wouldn't do it anymore that I was shunning another part of me and submitting further to his control.

"Ichigo you didn't fail me. You proved to me that you have what it takes to wield me, just remember to never let your resolve waver. I want to help you; I want you to prove to him that you will not let him rule your life." He said as I looked up at him. I knew he chose me yet again, and I know he believes in me. I do not believe in myself however, how can I even stand up to him? I know it not his fault but still, that somewhere inside of him he still loves us all enough to try to break it, but he fails at it and resorts to what bring that monster out of him.

"How can I, as much as I hate him, I still love him." I asked as I looked at him. I want to know why he still believes in me, when I didn't.

"Just love who he was, not what he has become. He can't be saved Ichigo as much as you want to. It's become too dangerous for you to stay and try. I know you want to, but I cannot protect you from him if you chose to stay." I knew he was right, as much as I wanted to stay and try I knew it would be the death of me. I just glad he understood why I did it, why I endured all of his shit. Even though I had no place to go I still wanted to be there for him and my sisters, even though I hate the monster that comes out when he drinks.

"I am sorry, but I thought that if I…" I stopped as he interrupted me.

"No, you can't. He has made you give up too much, your friends, your life, and now your power to protect them. When is it going to stop, when he succeeds in finally killing you? Please tell me you will stand up to him and I will help you if you say the word. Trust me Ichigo, you know I have been there the whole way never have I left your side. If I am to trust you, you have to trust me in return.

"Thank you Zangetsu, but..." He cut me off again. I think he knew my doubts, as he tried to keep them from being voice. That was his way of telling me I could do it.

"There are no buts, someone else care too." I just looked at him with that looked at him out of confusion. Who could it be? It can't be Renji can it? I know we sort of connected when I hung with him in the soul society, but that was brief and even then I held him at a distance. It's not possible I tried so hard to separate everyone from my life, to keep them out of it, to protect myself and them from my father.

"Ichigo its Renji." he said as he looked at me with one of his serious looks. "He saved you from death, and I felt his love when he did." I heard Zangetsu clarify as he looked at me, as I could tell he wasn't lying. He never once lied to me. He always told me the truth no matter how grim it was. The fact that he still believes in me shocks me because of how far I fell in my personal hell, and how far I fell from him trust. Still I couldn't believe it, that Renji actually liked me like that. How can he like someone as broke as I am? It's not possible. He wouldn't want a rape victim, someone who has been violated by men for money. Besides I do not have that resolve I once had, as my father took it from me when I came back. He made sure to break it back down to nothing. I'm just his shell of the person who he came to know when I was in the Soul Society. Apparently Zangetsu doesn't think so, and I guess Renji doesn't either, if he saves me from that hell. They all think it's still there, but I beg to differ with both.

"Ichigo give him a chance at least, we can help you if you let us." I just stood there dumb struck. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't admit I had feelings for him, not until I was free from my father. If my father found out he would try to kill us both. Even though I was willing to ignore and distance myself from them, I still cared deeply for each and every one of them. I still care for Renji, and I do like him enough to admit that I would not mind going out with him or being with him. I would not let him be subjected to my father. I would never let that happen, and he would have to get over my dead body to try. If my father ever laid a finger on Renji or my sisters I would kill the bastard right where he stood.

"Just think about it, and considered it. You do not have to go back to your father. I know you still care for your sisters, but he has proven that he will not hurt them. It's you he wants to torture and break, and what he thinks justifies his actions are not fair or correct in the least. I want you to realize this now, before you go back. Just trust us, for once and let us help you. We are interested in your well-being, and Renji wants to show that he cares for you like I do. Let your friends in as well, all they want to do is help. They have been there for you since the beginning, and they still will be even through the worst. I think they have proven that when you went to save her." I just couldn't believe it as the crystalline changed back to darkness. I fell in a deep sleep once again. It was a numbing sleep that pushed me into a dream world. I knew that I was back in my body, not in that world inside my head. Shiro was gone too; somehow I knew that I would not hear from him for a while now. As much as my father scares me, Shiro is my nightmare he scares me far more than my father ever will.

* * *

**A/N: 8/17/12  
Well, well isn't this a turn of events. I know I told you guys it would get better, but I sort of fibbed, haha. Poor Renji though and Poor Ichigo. Renji's there now so it will be alright, or will it be dun dun dun. I guess you're going to have to wait and see aren't you. :).**

**Also I want to give a quick thank you to everyone who has read this so far, who reviewed, who followed, and who favorite this story. Also I can't forget the ones that read and did one or all the mentioned. Thank you so much, you mean everything to me and are what keep this story going. I also wanted to say that you guys are what made want to make this deadline at all costs, so I finished this chapter in time through all the bullshit I had this week. Thank you all again and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. :) LDX**

**The next update will be either the first or second Friday of September. No Promises though. Life can be a bitch as it is now for me, but I'm hoping to have my schedule clear to work on the next chapter for this. Thanks again for being patience LDX**

**Revise and update as of 8/20/12.**  
**I correct a lot of the errors in here. Hopefully it better than the last version, and less jarring.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7**

I felt the sun on me as I woke the next morning. It was early that much I could, and everyone else was sleeping. I notice the door was still closed as I look around the room. They had been in their all night and still was going at it? I questioned to myself as I got up and went to the door; I heard the sounds of kido still humming through the door as I shook my head.

This can't be good I thought as I walked back to the couch, I looked at the clock and it said seven o'clock. They had been in there close to ten hours. I think I dozed back to sleep when I heard the door finally open as the two stepped out along with Urahara.

At that instant everyone woke up, and the adrenalin was flowing through me as looked all three of them questionably.

"We have good news and bad news" I heard Orihime say as she hung her head to the ground. "He will live; that much we are sure of. Tessi agrees with Urahara assessment, so in turn I do to. The bad part is he hasn't awakened yet. There is no way to know if he's suffering from a coma or he is simply refusing to wake." She looked over at Urahara who took over the explanation.

"I believe that Kurosaki is suffering from some sort of trauma related stress. The evidence was clear to us when these two were healing him. Allot of scars and wounds were old and therefore couldn't be healed properly. I believe that this stress caused from this recent exposure caused his body to shut down in defense to it so he didn't have to deal with It." he stated. I knew that something was wrong when I saw him but now this confirms it. What caused it and how to prevent it is a different story?

"Do you know what caused it" I heard Uryuu as he spoke up, showing some concern.

"Unfortunate we do not know yet. We know what caused this episode, but have no idea what started or added to the trauma up to this point. I also wanted to say that he will eventually wake up, but when or how long we have no idea. He can be seen, but I recommend keeping your visits short. We will not inform his family of any of this until he has woken, as I think it will add their stress to inform them of our recent discovery." He said as I spoke up as well.

"I think it will only add to the confusion we have as well. As far as what caused the trauma I have my suspicions, but so far I have not found any proof to support me in my accusations. I believe his father had a hand in causing the trauma, and somehow had a hand in this recent attack. Until I find that proof I will not accuse him one way or the other." I said as I stated what I felt was need to be known. The proof is on him, but without an account of whom or how it got there we have nothing more to go on. I just sighed as I walked to the window and looked out. The things on my mind were not helping me deal with the facts as well.

"I agree with Renji on his assessment" I heard Rukia say as she looked at Urahara. "When I stayed with him before, there was a lot of unaccounted for absences on Ichigo's part. In fact it was so suspicious and nerve-racking that I elected to stay with Orihime this time. I also think that his father is hiding something, and I had the feeling since I meet the man. He hides it very well with a show, and if you didn't know or weren't aware of his absences than you would have no idea. I have seen some of his reactions to certain things, and they suggest something more to him than meets the eye. Last night he acted like he cared but I got the vibe that he was happy it happened. In fact I saw a smirk on his face when I was explaining what happened to him to his two daughters." I heard her say as I felt the need to add something more to it.

"I saw it too!" I spoke up making sure that everyone understood that something was off with him. "It immediately sent chills down my back, and I also got the vibe that he didn't like us snooping around, especially me and Rukia." I told everyone as they all listened intently on everything we had to say.

"It seems we have enough evidence to suggest he is up to something." I heard Urahara say as he shook his head. "I still can't believe that he would turn to such extremes."

"You know Mr. Kurosaki?' I asked as I looked to him. I seemed unlikely that he would. I mean a man who runs a peddling shop.

"I used to, before his wife died. After that he changed became more distance, almost unapproachable. He became more at home in the bars and gambling holes than anywhere else. The first time he went bankrupt I though he straightened himself up, but apparently not." Urahara look like he was in disbelief. Still I knew Ichigo's mother wasn't around anymore, that much was oblivious when Rukia and I went to tell them of Ichigo attack. I didn't know she was murdered, and by who or how I was now curious. I figured I would leave the topic alone now, and if Ichigo trusted me he would tell me when he was ready.

"How are we going to help him?" I heard Uryuu as I turned and looked at him. I still didn't know I knew the only one who could help us was in that room refusing to wake up because he was scared of something. It killed me to know this, as I wanted to do anything I could to help him. I wanted to prove that I cared enough so he would trust me, but that was going to be hard. He trusted Rukia the most out of all of us and still chose to shut her out. I knew she was hurt by that, but I also knew she refused to believe it as well.

"I'm going in to see him, maybe I can think of something when I comeback out." I said as they all nodded, Orihime came over and hugged me and told me she was sorry she couldn't do better. I told her she did her best, that I was because of her and Tessi that he is still alive. She smiled back to me and moved to the bed that was in the next room, the one that Urahara led her to. She deserved it they both did, ten hours in there healing had to take its toll. I seen the blood shot eyes and dark rings around her eyes so it proved it.

I opened the door to the room he was in, and closed it not letting it slam but shut quietly. I just shook my head as I walked to this side. I leaned down to his side and kissed his forehead and rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb.

"I'm so sorry Ichigo" I said as the tears came to my eyes. I couldn't help it the guilt finally releases in me as it knelt and took his hand into mine. "I should have stayed; I should have watched you like Rukia said." I breathed out trying to control the tears. "It's my fault you're here. All I wanted to help you, and protect you, but instead I failed you. I hope you can forgive me." I shifted on my knees as I still held on to his hand. I was feeling so fucking lost now; I couldn't do a damn thing. I was hoping that if I touched him, talked to him, that maybe he would wake up, but he just lied there motionless breathing in that deep sleep.

"Ichigo please you have to wake up, I need you with me." I pleaded as I released his hand and touched his face.

"Please Ichigo, I… I love you." I felt so damn stupid for saying that, but it just came out of my mouth. There my feelings are out there, how I felt for him. Finally my doubt is gone and now I know without a doubt that I love him, and will do anything for him including jumping off a bride to prove it to him. Well maybe not literally jumping off a bridge, but still you gets the point.

I knew that I had to finish up, I knew that everyone else want to come and see him. I was hoping that maybe by a slim chance he would wake up for me. I reached down and did the unthinkable I kissed him on the lips. I couldn't help it. I felt that I had to prove it to him that I did in fact love him. I guess part me was thinking that prince charming was going to wake up his princess, or that I was just that damn desperate. I moved to the door and looked back at him. "Please I just want you back that's all. Please don't give up on life yet. _Not when I have so much I want to share and show you"_ I thought.

I walked out of the door whipping the remnants of my tears away. Immediately Rukia rushed up to me and held me trying her best to dissuade everyone worries. She knew just by the tears I was whipping away what I said I knew she did because she smiled up at me. She led me to the outside behind Urahara shop to the small deck that was there.

"Renji, I see now that we have to help him. I'm sorry for not believing you when you said we had to that day in the room. I guess I wanted to believe that what I was seeing and hearing was an illusion. I know that he in that bed is not an illusion, and I know what Orihime saw on him was not an illusion either. I guess I want to apologize to you, and offer to help you anyway I can. We have to get Ichigo to realize he doesn't have to live with the abuse, and that we as in his friends and you especially care enough to want to protect him." I just looked at her. I cannot believe that just came out of her mouth. I just dropped my mouth a bit and recovered it after a bit to realize I had to close it. This was not the time to be pointing that out.

Rukia was right we had to convince him that he didn't have to take that shit from his father. He is a lot better than what he thinks he is. I think he has forgotten what exactly he's capable of, and he has forgotten his resolve. He survived the death strike of Kuchiki Tachiou and defeated most of the captains of the Gotei Thirteen. Why can't he defeat his father? I wanted to ask him that from the start when I got him in that room. I wanted to right then and their pound some sense into him. I also wanted to tell him that he had what it took to stand up to whoever was doing that to him. I wanted to console him and tell him it will be alright. I wanted to be there for him when it all fell apart. I wasn't and now I will make up for that. I swear I will be there for him now, whatever it fucking takes I will be there until the end if I have to.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

When I came back from that dream, I was in a deep sleep. I felt like I got hit by a ton of bricks. Everything pounded and hurt like fuck. All I wanted to curl up to a little ball and cry it all away. It all slammed into me at once everything as I started to replay the rape, the talk with Zangetsu, The fight with Shiro, the event at school where I told them all to fuck off, the morning before school, the rape in the basement, and the monster my dad was when he chocked me half to death. It all replayed at once like it all was returning to me. Each event vivid like I was reliving again. It finally stopped as I awoke on the floor of what looked like a black room. It hurt like hell to stand, I knew why. It was the result of that rape.

I felt really guilty when I remembered what I said to them. It hurt like hell to say that to them, like huge chunk of me was cut away after that. None of them including Renji deserved that, they intervened because they cared and I told them to fuck off, to leave me the hell alone. I remembered Orihemi reaction, I knew she was fragile to begin with, but when I said that it was like a crushed her hope, hurt her in a way that only a friend could. How much of a friend am I? In that point and time all I was concerned with was me. How was I going to deal with this? How was I going to keep them from knowing? That was all I was concerned with, me. How can I be so conceded, so self-centered like that, and I want to call myself a hero. Some hero I am.

I remembered the talk I had, as Zangetsu tried to get me to realize that this is about far more than me, it's about everyone. Playing silent hero isn't going to work anymore and I know that, but yet I'm still finding myself wanting to try. I know the situation has jumped so far out of my hands and proportion that I don't even know if it possible to save him anymore. I guess Zangetsu is right I should just call it quits and part with my loses, before I lose something more valuable like my life. He already my childhood, and took my virginity! What was left that he didn't have was my life, and then he probably wanted to take my life and kill me anyway. He already owned my freedom, and my life outside of the house. My father has refused so many times to change, so why do I keep trying. It's time that I worry about myself and find a way out of this mess.

I remember feeling this way when I heard something in the distance, and it sounded like a voice in my dream. I tried to listen but it sounded like a whisper. I tried harder and I thought I heard Renji's voice. _"It can't be that is not possible."_ I thought. To top this off I have no idea where I'm at, all I see is darkness and the memories of all the events playing back to me. I focus more on the voice trying to make out what it said, I couldn't it was still too far away to make out the words but still I tell it Renji's voice talking to me.

I move closer to where the voice is coming from, but still no matter how hard I try I cannot get closer to it I can make out some of the words now, but it sounded so faint. I heard something along the lines as it was his fault. Just shook my head, how can he think this is his fault. It's mine for not reading the sings when there were presented, for losing my resolve to him. I try to tell him it not his fault but I cannot speak, I move my mouth but nothing comes out. I try to move my hands and nothing moves, and the same with my legs and my head. I cannot move anything beyond what I can in this place.

I try to move closer again to the voice I hear the tears now. His voice has helplessness laced through it now. I try again to move again, but it doesn't work. Then I heard something that didn't even sound real, I had to really listen to it when I heard it. I love you is what I heard. The voice behind it still Renji's I know it is. But I cannot see, talk, smell, or touch beyond this place. It was so frustrating to hear this voice and not be able to answer to it, or talk back.

I hear Renji pleading to me to wake up, but I can't. I tried everything I could think of but nothing. I'm starting to think I am stuck here. The voice stops suddenly, I plead for it to come back but it doesn't. It lost, gone now and all there is silence and darkness all around. I was starting to give up when I felt something warm touch my lips, it felt good actually but I couldn't tell what it was. It was like it was desperate, like this was the last resort or the last time I may be able to this. Nonetheless I felt something on my lips; I was excited happy that there was a new sense other than hearing. The heat left and didn't come back and I was lost in the darkness again.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

It was about night outside when we decided to come in. We had spent the afternoon trying to come up with a way of trying to convince him to let us help. Chad, Uryruu, Orihime had to go home, they had missed enough school and told us that if they didn't catch up soon they would too far behind to. Rukia promised to tell them if anything had changed, and I made sure to tell Orihime thank you for healing him. She just smiled, I think she knows deep down that I love him, she seemed so down at first, but now she looks like she has hope. I was refreshing to see that, that I kind of felt better like we had a chance now.

I elected to stay the night with him, hoping that if I did he would come to. His condition has not changed he was still in that state sleeping like nothing happened. I reach down and kissed his forehead as I proceeded to tell him that I would be here for the night watching over him. I sat in the chair and pulled my scarf down from my head and used it to cover my eyes as I tried to get some sleep again.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

I heard a shuffling in the room as I woke up, I thought I saw an orange blur move, but I thought I was seeing things as I closed my eyes again. There was another stir as I heard a groan. I woke up and immediately shot up. I couldn't believe it he was up moving as I walked up to him and he just looked at me.

There was a look of loss in his eyes, like he didn't expect to see me so soon. I just looked back at him wanting to cry that instant I was so happy. It only took him five days to wake up; I noticed that he turned his away like he was ashamed to even look at me. I pissed me off, I knew what he was going through and I didn't care either, I just wanted him to trust me let me in for once.

"Ichigo." I just said, that all I could manage out. I was so afraid to push him further than that. I just wanted him to know I was here. He turned and looked at me, the hurt in his eyes like he regretted something.

"I'm sorry Renji." That all he said as he looked at me in the eyes. It was like he was studying me, looking for something. It was like he was looking for something in me to answer his question. He just shook his head and looked away again.

"Please don't." I said as I tried to get him to look back. It worked as he looked back at me with some confusion in his eyes. It seemed like he was questioning why I wanted to look at me. There was just as much loss in his eyes as there was hurt and confusion so I just tried to talk again.

"Please I just want to help that all, don't shut me out." he looked at me wide eyed like he was unsure if he wanted to even involve me.

"Renji, I…" he started as he quit just as quickly.

"Don't you trust me?" that's all I said in the heat of frustration. I felt like he trying to shove me away again, like deep down he didn't trust me

"Renji…" he just looked at me again, as that hurt look came back. I felt bad for saying that. It was not about that now. It was supposed to be about getting to trust me.

"I'm sorry that was not fair of me. But please that all I'm asking you to do is trust me. I want to help you. I lo…" his eyes just widened in surprise when I stopped myself from completing my last thought. I don't know what came over me, like right then and there I had to prove my intentions to him. Like I had to prove to him that what I was saying was genuine not made up. He just looked at me and smiled.

"I know I can trust you, I just I don't want to see you get hurt for Me." his voice was raspy but I could sense the concern behind it. He finally said something more than my name. I was so happy in that instant.

"Ichigo…" I calmly said "I can handle myself don't worry about me. You are the one I'm worried about." He just looked at me with that what you mean look.

"Renji, please… you didn't see all that did you?" he asked as he hung his head down in shame. I knew it wasn't his fault it happened.

"Ichigo, I seen more than just the abuse, I saved you from the woods. Please just let me help you, that all I'm asking." He eyes flared in rage as he looked at me

"Who else saw it? Who else knows?" his eyes had that flame in there again; the one I saw when he wanted to murder me in the soul society. I just smiled in my head; he was getting there back to normal. What ever happened to him while he slept it seemed to give him his confidence back.

"Everyone knows Ichigo. They were all involved with the effort in finding you. Everyone except your family, but we had to tell them. Your sisters were worried sick about you." I said as he that anger seemed to boil down somewhat, like he was considering all the possibilities.

"Then you know about my father?" he asked as he looked at me with that scowling look. It was just like normal, he used it to hide his emotion, which was his mask so to say.

"What do you mean? He seemed normal to me." I answered, I didn't want to hint I had my doubts I wanted to hear it from him, not tell what I thought.

"You want to help that badly?" he asked as I looked him in the eyes. I shook my head seriously.

"Yes I do, you may not want to hear this, but I care what happen to you. I would…

"I know Renji; you're not the only one who seems to know how you feel about me. Apparently Zangetsu is more aware of me and you than I even was. It's sad really that my Zanpakuto knows more about my life than I do." He said as he smiled back. This time it wasn't fake, it was genuine like he really wanted to let me in, like he really cared in return.

"That is rather weird don't you think, still I rather good that someone knows though." I was smiling inside. I know what it's like to have your Zanpakuto know more than what you did. It's like having a friend tell you that someone was hitting on you and likes you. It's really awkward and unsettling but still somewhat refreshing.

"Promise me that what you hear will be kept in confidence. When I'm ready I will tell everyone else." He looked at me, I couldn't believe it he was actually going to let me in, tell me let me help him.

"I have to tell Rukia, even though you don't want me to. She is my partner in crime, in all of this, the one that helped me all the way through. She wants to help me as much as you, besides keeping it from her will be almost impossible anyway." He just looked at me and gave a look of contempt.

"Fine than go and find her. While you're at it, tell Urahara to keep his eyes and ears to himself."

"What?" I just asked.

"I can tell he's spying on us, he so much like what my father used to be." He turned and looked towards the wall. "I know you're listening old man give it up now!" he yelled at the wall and that when I heard a thud and boom on the other side. It seems that Urahara was caught off guard by that by Ichigo's assumption that he made it clear that he was in fact listening. I just laughed and turned to the door and opened it.

"Renji before you go, please close the door." I saw that serious look on his face as I complied. I walked back to his side.

"I am in fact interested in you" he admitted as I just looked at him. "I have been since I meet you; I admired your courage to stand for what you believe in even though it was for the wrong reason. Not to mention you're fucking hot." He said as I just looked at him. He seemed very uncomfortable with what he was saying, but I could tell he was telling the truth. I just smiled when he said that. It not like I already knew it but still it was nice coming from him.

"What I can't get is why you like me?" I was taken aback by this. There were a lot of things I could list on why I liked him. The fact he stood against everything that opposed him, he saved my best friend and sister like figure, that he stood for what he believe in, the fact he took every one of the captains down. Those beautiful chocolate brown eyes were just a bonus, along everything else I saw on him. He was captivating even though he was quite reserved in what he shared. To tell the truth I saw that as a challenge, to get him to share what he didn't want to, and to get him to trust me. I think I fell for those eyes first. They told more about him than anything else did.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe? I can see you for what you are. I refuse to see that helpless person that you think you are, or that one that lost his will to fight. It's all there, it's still in you. You just chose to ignore it. All I see is that man I fell for and connected with when we meet. Is it that hard to believe that someone likes you for you." he just looked at me, as the rage inside of me was coming out. I wanted him to see the he still had it in him, that it never left him to begin with. I also wanted him to see that why I liked him was for that upstanding resolve and his will to do what was right. Those thing are hard to come by anymore, and when you see them you just want to take them up quickly.

"You really believe that I still have it? I don't know if you're just as naïve as Zangetsu to believe that." I just looked at him with that damn look. Did he really believe that he fell that damn far down there? I refused to believe that, I will if I have to beat it back in him. I reached over and punched him in the back of the head. He just growled in anger and looked at me as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Bastard!" he yelled "What the fuck was that for!"

"For not listening to me! For still thinking your worthless!" I yelled back at him. "I will beat that Resolve back in you if I have to!" I said as he looked at me and gave me that glint. It was the glint he used to have when we spared in the soul society. It was that glint I used to love in him, that one he had like he had to prove it to me. "Prove you still have it!" I yelled at him "Prove it Kurosaki!" he just looked at me as his rage returned."

"Fine you're on Bastard!" he returned, and I just smiled. I proved to him he still had it, and If he was willing to prove it to me than he could prove it to his father as well. I looked as the door opened; Rukia came in with a concerned look on her face as he walked to Ichigo's side and slapped him on the face. She then glared at me, I knew if she could reach me she would have done the same to me, luckily I was on the other side of the bed.

"When were you two going to tell me? I would have liked to of known he was awake!" she yelled at both of us. I was kind of funny to see her like that; it was just like old times. Rukia was bitching about something, and Ichigo and I wanted to fight it out.

"What the fuck is it with you two?" Ichigo yelled back to her, "Is it hit on Ichigo day or something. Do I have to mark it on the calendar to know when to avoid you two and your damn punches?" he snarled at her, as he glared at me. I just smiled at him using the most innocent look I could give. I was rather funny giving him the 'who me look I wouldn't do that'.

"Well than in that case make it every day then, because I have a lot of catching up to do." She smiled as he reached down and hugged him.

"You should be ashamed of yourself anyway; I should beat the shit out you for what you said to us." She continued as Ichigo gave her the alright I concede look.

"Not to mention the shit you put us through trying to find you. Poor Orihime had to spend ten hours on your ass." She raged on a she frowned at him.

"You could have a least let us in you know. We are your friends, and still will be through better or worse." she finished as he hit him again.

"God you can be so stubborn sometimes, but I still love you regardless." I just looked at her.

"Relax Renji he all yours. I would dream of getting in between you guys." She smiled as he hugged him again.

"Please Ichigo we just want to help you that's all." Ichigo go just put his finger on her lip.

"I know, and I'm sorry for what I said to both of you." he started as he looked down at the sheets again, as his face twisted in pain.

"I wanted to handle it myself, but now I realize that I can't." he looked up at both of us with that serious look on his face, "what I tell must remain in confidence, promise me that you will let me tell the others when I'm ready." He looked at both of us, as Rukia than frowned at him as she voiced her objection.

"Ichigo that's not fair, they are just as concerned and worried as we are. They put in just as much effort as we did in finding you. I think they deserve to know." she said as she looked at him with that don't fight with me look. It was like that damn Kuchiki coldness was slowly coming back.

"It's my call Rukia, damn it." he said as he looked down at the sheets again. "I never said I wouldn't tell them; just let me do it when I'm ready." He pleaded, the she reluctantly agree with him as she shut her mouth.

"My father is the problem." His face twisted in that pain, as his hands and voice were shaking in fear. He continued on.

"He is a drunk and gambler, has been since my mother died." He breathed in and took a long breath as if trying to control his fear.

"He blames me for my mother death. She was killed by a hollow when I was nine. She was trying to save me from it, but by the time I realized what I was seeing she was already dead." he hung his head in shame as I could of swore tears dripped from his eyes. I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder. He just looked up at me with a face full of pain and fear.

"He started to abuse me when I was twelve; he had gotten fired from his job seventh and had hit the bar that night. When he came home that when he beat me and told me it was my fault that he was so screwed up." He stopped as he tears came from his eyes.

"You know I promised to stop crying when he started to abuse me. I didn't want to give the satisfaction anymore, but he just tried harder to make me cry. I used to beg him to stop, but I just made it worse. He would tell me to stop being a baby and take it like a man." I felt so bad for him at that moment all I wanted to do was hug him and comfort him, but I didn't. He wanted to continue and I wanting to do that would probably make him lose his confidence.

"It wasn't long after that he used me to settle a gambling debt. He sold me to out to settle it; the man just agreed to it and called it even. Then my father got the bright idea of selling me out to others. It was a week ago that I was last touched by someone." He really hung his head and shame this time as he the tears and small cry came out. I reached down and hugged him, pissed off that his father would do that to him. His father had no right to do that. Right then and there I wanted to kill him even If I would be arrested and jailed for breaking a rule of the society. Ichigo was too innocent and caring to have that done to him.

"I'm so sorry Ichigo, if I had known I would have stopped him" I said as he looked back at me with tears coming down his face.

"You couldn't have, he would have killed you if you tried. Right now you're on his hit list because I told you this. That why I don't want to tell them yet. He threatened to kill anyone I told. I can just imagine what he would do to me if I told anyone else. I'm afraid of him and he knows it, he killed my resolve a long time ago when it comes to him. That's why I don't know why you guys still think I am that guy I was when I was in the soul society. I guy I was left when I came home, in fact I don't know where he came from to begin with. I trust you guys, more than anyone. I know I didn't ask for it the first time, but I wanted it anyway even if I told to you to fuck off. So I am asking now, it kills to have to ask for it, but I need your help with him." he said as he fell into my embrace. It caught me off guard that he did that, but I just held his as he silently cried on my chest.

"Ichigo" I whispered, "I told you I would from the beginning, and you didn't have to ask for my help." I finished as he looked up at me. The pain in his eyes seemed to lessen but it was still there."

"Thank you." he said as he looked at Rukia, and she just nodded at him telling him that she would. He looked up at me and brought his hand to my face.

"I knew when I meet you that you were my hero." he said as he kissed for the first time without holding anything back. It was weak but still had the passion from the heart. Rukia just watched as I returned to it equally. I knew she was jealous, but still happy for both of us at the same time. I think when he took her under his wing and taught her about this world she fell for him. Though Kuchiki Tachiou would never approve of him and I think Rukia knew that in the long run. It also made her mad that he fell for a guy instead of her. I couldn't help but feel like I won something big, even though it was a small jester from him. It felt like a big accomplishment for me.

* * *

**A/N: 8/21/12:**

**Awe is all I can say; they are so cute together. I hate Rukia in the manga but I like her here, not enough to put her with Ichigo or Renji. Hats off to Ichigo though for getting over his fear of his father enough to tell them what he has done to him. I feel do badly for Ichigo though, even though I enjoyed the Chapters that put him in this situation. Maybe now things will start looking up for the new couple. Or will it Dun dun dun… Haha just joking but you have to wait and see though I'm not telling anymore.**

**Anyway, I just wanted to thank all the people who commented on the last chapter, you guys are great. I also wanted to thank that ones that favorite, or followed the story as well. That is what keeps me wanting to do this and I appreciate it wholeheartedly. Thank you all again and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well as the earlier ones :) LDX**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8**

The kiss was amazing; I never thought it would actually be like that. I mean I have kissed multiple guys before, but never one that had a spark like that. It just seemed so right at that moment just to kiss him, I never intended on that happening. He felt great and that we both seemed to want made that much better.

Renji was awesome I never felt so safe like I did with him, just having him hold seemed like it inspired confidence in me. I have never felt like this with another person before. Perhaps this is love, or maybe a sense of what safety means. I never had this type of thing before. I always had to look over my back, and the one time I didn't I got me here in a bed on the verge of dying. That memory played back and I scared me half to death, being in the mists of a psychopath like that, I just thank god that Renji found me when he did.

"Ichigo we have to call your Family. Your sisters will never forgive us if we don't." I heard Rukia say as I just looked at her. She turned and walked out of the room, just as was about to convince her not. I doubt she would even take no for an answer.

It was now or never. I knew that meant dealing with my father but I had to if I was going to break free of him. I just looked at the wall. I wanted to scream no at the top of my lungs, that I didn't want to deal with it. That is when Yuzu and Karin popped in my head, as I knew they were both worries about me. Well Yuzu more than Karin, but still deep down they both cared.

I watched as Renji got up from kneeling on the floor, as I looked at him. He was about to leave when he seem to catch the look on my face. He stopped and leaned on the door frame.

"Are you ok?" he just asked me. I wanted of course to scream no! Fuck no! I'm far from it, Rukia wants to call my family and now I have to deal with my father so what do you think! But I didn't. I just turned my head away not making the slightest impression that he leaving was going to bother me a bit. He just sighed and walked back to the bed and sat at the corner.

"You know that isn't going to help, and keeping that all bottled up like that isn't helping either. If you don't want me to leave I will stay, I don't have a problem with it." I just looked at him. Was he really offering to stay? I mean I know I just kissed him and all, but I thought that this whole idea of a relationship was going to take time. This isn't something you make happen overnight isn't it. Of course I have no idea, I never been in one before. Being seventeen with no experience was not helping either. All I was used to was flings in the dark half the time, where you know enough about each other to have sex and that is just about it. Or In my case your father arranges it and gets paid doing it. I just signed again as I looked at him.

"I know…" that all I said as he looked at me with that look of concern. He again placed his hand on my shoulder.

"There is something else isn't there? I can't help unless you tell me Ichigo." He looked at me and just smiled trying to comfort me which was appreciated, but the fact was I wasn't ready to deal with my father. I don't think I'll ever be ready.

"I can't Renji…" I signed as I tried not to sound like I was needy.

"Ichigo, I will be right here when he comes. You don't have to do it alone. If you want I can be at your side. I promise that I will not let him hurt you again." he sounded so sincere when he said that, but how could I ask that of him. He is my father, how the hell am I going to stand up to him if I keep asking for someone to hold my hand all the time. He was right I didn't want to be alone with him. My father coming to see me was bad enough.

"Renji, I can't ask that of you. Even though I would like that, I need to do this alone. I need to stand up to him." he looked concerned.

"Fine, if that's what you want." He said as he got back up looking rather concerned and hurt by the fact I turned him down, but I think he knows what I want to do. I want to prove to my father that he doesn't control me anymore. It wasn't a bit after they came. I just tensed as I heard come in the door and greeted Urahara. I can tell when my father puts on his show, he thinks he has everyone convinced. I heard him come back to the room as Renji lead him to me. I could tell right then and there that my father was not impressed with Renji. He had that hate in his eyes like someone was going to steal me from him. He just maintained his façade as he entered in the room.

I cringed as he shot me one of his evil looks; it immediately went away as he thanked Renji for leading him to me. Renji turned and left the room as my father grabbed and closed the door. Immediately that demon was unleashed as he made to the side of my bed.

"You fucking cunt of a whore. You found someone didn't you!" he sneered as he pulled the cloth on my shirt up and pulled me to his face. He acted like he was smelling me like a dog would and threw me back down to the bed.

"I smell it all over you, how dare you!" He smiled and pointed his finger. "I see you have gotten some of your confidence back haven't you. What did your worthless Zanpakuto, or those sluts standing out there bring it back for courage back to you." I looked at him straight in the face and sneered at him.

"He is not a slut; the only slut here is you!" I told him anger rising in my voice. "How dare you insult either of them, it's not my fault yours abandoned you!"

He slapped me across the face "How Fucking dare you!" Who the hell do you think you are, watch your tone with me boy, or you'll regret It." he threatened as I pulled back away grabbing the spirit badge that was left on the desk.

"You wouldn't dare boy. I still can take care of you without my Zanpakuto." He threatens as his place his hand on my wrist pinning to the bed. I punched him in the stomach as he wheeled back trying to recover.

"You know you may have had me at one point, but now I don't have any love left for you." I said as pulled the spirit badge to my chest and popped out in my spirit form. I pulled out Zangetsu as he hummed in rage in my hands.

"I think I should introduce you to my Zanpakuto," as I placed down and pointed it at him. "His name is Zangetsu and now he not too pleased with you." I looked over behind near the door as I watch both Rukia and Renji standing there. I watching Renji he had a smile on his face as he moved to the side telling me I had a clear shot if I needed it. I stood there as my resolve built up, while Zangetsu was humming and emitting a blue aura. I had never seen him act like this before; it was like he had some much rage built up at him. It seemed my father ignited his rage even more. He never had done this to anything else, not even Aizen when I tried to stop him from leaving from the soul society. My father just smiled as he pulled something similar from his pocket.

"You know you're not the first one that was not allowed in their ranks." He smiled as he placed in on his chest as well and popped out in his spirit form. "I have been there and done that, I despise there kind, and I see they have you." He turned around and looked at Renji in the face.

"So you're the slut I have to thank for this, turning my son against me. And who is this? Rukia is it? You're the girl that I let stay with us right? I should have known when you mysteriously popped up that you were with them. My son has chosen the wrong people to hang out with; I thought I made it clear that he was not to consort with your kind." He pointed at Rukia as he turned and eyed Renji conspicuously.

"You are poison to this world, hunting the very thing that in the end kills you. You couldn't even do your job and save my wife, and for that I hate all of you. Now my son has chosen this as well." I just looked at my father in shame. Renji was and Rukia were the best damn things that could have happened to me, they saved me from him, reminded me that I had what it took. I just looked back as Renji just growled as he popped out of his gigi. He had grabbed the soul dispenser from his pocket and popped one in his mouth. Rukia just watch as she backed away, I think she wanted to join but realized that she would just be in the way.

"Ichigo I will never forgive you for Masaki choosing you over me. My wife chose to save you over her love for me, and her two daughters. You are scum Ichigo, worthless, and now a known gay faggot. I knew you were when I started to sell you out, but hey it was free money. I relished every damn week I spent in those bars and casinos." I just tensed up when I heard him say that to me, it hurt so bad to know he hated me so much. I though at least he had some love for me, man was I mistaken. I just lost it here as I charged him and he dodged it without a problem, soon I watched as Renji joined in as well.

"Oh wait is see, I should have guessed when I sensed you go to your soul form, a Lieutenant level soul reaper, which is a slut and a whore. I should thank you for showing my son how to die with honor at least, and not for showing him how to be disrespectful to his family line." Renji just looked at him as shunpoed behind and he raised his Zanpakuto and the next thing I noticed was my father flying to the wall.

"If I'm anything, it's a friend to someone who needed it the most." I heard Renji say as he shunpoed behind him again. "If anything I'm a hell of a lot better than you'll ever be." My father dodged the next blow as I watched him recover. He moved faster than anything I seen as he hit Renji square in the stomach and sent him flying to the wall.

"Better Hun." My father mocked as he walked over to him, "Tsk tsk, is that what their teaching there lieutenants now in days. Pathetic really I wonder is good old Yamanto is still kicking, he's just as bad as the rest of you." I shunpoed behind him and stuck him, and he tried to dodge it. I managed to graze him with my Zanpakuto. I recovered as I dodged his next blow and shunpoed back a little. I grabbed the hilt of Zangetsu as I called Bankai out loud.

"Really now is that fair for someone who doesn't have a Zanpakuto." My father laughed as he backed up at little, "Now the fun starts." he said as he pulled something that resembled a Zanpakuto. I finally finished my transformation as Zangetsu's aura called to me. He was pleased that I chose to allow him to help.

"Fun no!" I said as I shunpoed behind him again he tried to make strike and again I appeared in front of him. "If you think this is fun for your son to have to fight his father you're sorely mistaken" He growled at me as he tried again to hit me I just dodged him again.

"Give up I'm not going to fight you." I said as I again dodge his attack and appeared behind him.

"Coward!" he screamed at the top of him lungs at me as he tried again to hit me I blocked it with my Zanpakuto.

"There happy I faced you, now get over it!" I said as I appeared behind him yet again. I noticed Renji finally recovered from that blow, but he was slow to get up. I knew my father did a number on him even though he didn't have a Zanpakuto. I then shunpoed beside him as I helped him up, he just looked at with that approval like he was happy I finally stood up to him he grunted as he pulled my hand off of him, I just looked as he made a reference to my father. I knew he was fine but I wanted to make sure.

"I'm fine!" he said as he moved back a little. I looked over to my left somehow we blew the wall out of urahara's shop and where outside. I moved away focusing on my father who was just standing there with an angry look on his face.

"I am impressed, you have learned far more than I thought. You now able to hold a Bankai in the real world, but I still hold my opinion, though. You still don't have what it takes. You refuse to kill, why use a Zanpakuto if you have no intent behind It." my father mocked as I looked at him. I shifted my Zanpakuto in my hand and moved up slightly.

"I don't want to kill you, as much as I hate you; I have respect for those living in this world."

"Oh spare me the righteousness act and talk. You have no idea what it means to be one of them. They will use you and throw you away every time, trust me I know." I clench my fist as he spoke. I knew he was right, that what this badge was for to allow to remain one of them and do work outside of the society. I was never to become one of them, but it didn't care.

"I rather do good than be like you. They may do that, and I don't care. You have no right to talk about them like that anyway. You abandoned them, and in turn so did your Zanpakuto. You're just despicable. All the shit you did to me, I should have a death vengeance on you, but yet I don't." I said as I looked at him and made his move, he charged at me as I dodged him again.

"Your stupid boy, you should use it for what it is intended for." he said as he tried to black slash me but failed as I spun around and sent him flying in the air. I shunpoed near him as kept up with him, the rage in his eyes boiled.

"Do it damn you, do it!" I just looked at him as I backed off letting him hit the ground and he got back up. He charged me again this time I blocked hit, the speed of my slash stopped him before he could even raise his up to try to slash me.

"I told you I will not kill you, but neither will I put up with your shit anymore. I have a life that I'm willing to live. I choose them over you, and I will choose them over anything you have to say about it. So when I say stay the fuck out of my life I mean it. I do not ever want to see you again. I done with your shit and I'm done with trying to save you. I'm done with it all. If you touch me, Renji, or any of my friends you will regret it dearly. Trust me if you do I will kill you with no hesitation." I said as I picked him up and punched as hard as I could in the stomach sending him flying in the direction of our house.

"Stay away from me!" I yelled as he flew in the direction I sent him looking at me with rage in his eyes. I let out a breath as I dropped to the ground and reverted back. I picked out my body and slide back in it. It hurt to stand as I limped back inside of the shop walking to Renji. When I got here, He grabbed me by the waist as he helped lead me back in side.

"Ichigo, I'm sorry" he said as he looked at me. "I tried to but…"

"It fine Renji really. I handled him, and I'm fine that's all that matters." We made it back to the bed as I climbed back in it and grunted in pain. It hurt to move my body was still sore from all the trauma. I looked at him and sighed. I realized that when I told him that, I had no place to go. I looked at Renji with that questioning look.

"What?" asked Renji as he motioned for me to move over on the bed. I did as he climbed in and nuzzled against me. I didn't know how take it; I never had anyone do this. Confusion hit my face as he looked at me and smiled.

"Relax, I won't do anything I swear, that is unless you want me to." he said as he grabbed me by the waist and cuddle up to me. "I am happy that you stood up to him, but I would have killed him." he said as I looked at him, anger flashing his face and eyes because of him.

"No Renji I would have stopped you. We are better than him. I will not stoop down to his level." I said kind of surprised and irritated that he would think that way. I know why he was, it wasn't right but still.

"I know, but still I'm allowed to think that way, aren't I." he said as he looked straight in the eyes with a serious look. "What now? Do you do you have a plan." He asked as I just looked at him and hung my head. What he said hit me as I realized that I didn't, that I had nowhere to go.

"No I don't" I looked at him "I didn't exactly think this through." He just looked at me and smiled

"You know you could always come with me. It won't be the best though but it's still better than the alternative.

"I don't know Renji. Do you think they will expect me? I did try to save Rukia and in the process defeated allot of the captains and lieutenants. I think I pissed a lot of them off in the process." I said as he just smiled placed his head on my chest. He laid there as he looked at me looking like he was in a long thought process.

"Like it said it won't be perfect, but I think it will be fine. I'm sure they will let you join one of the squads. I know I would like it, if you came." He smiled at me as he kissed me. I melted to it as I kissed him back. It was so strange sharing something with someone, I always was on my own, having someone equally worried about me was something I was going to have to use to.

"Maybe I don't know, there a lot to give up here. I don't know if I want to give up my life here even though it's not all together now, my human friends, or my twelve year of hard work in school. But freedom from my father seems rather pleasant than staying here."

"It's up to you, but I know what I hope you choose." He said as he laid his head back down on my chest. I just looked at him and considered it. There was a lot of things I would have to get used to there I didn't really know If I was up for it.

"Renji stay with me here at least until I graduate, it only one year." He looked at me with a puzzled look.

"As much as I would love to, I can't and you know that. I have duties back home to do. I can't just up and leave for a year and come back like nothing's happened. I'm sorry Ichigo." I knew that is wasn't possible but part of me wanted to ask and suggest that anyway.

"No I understand, I can give up life and have no repercussions. It just doesn't seem fair. How long are staying here anyway? Your mission I mean." I asked

"I was supposed to be for three months, but it got extended to six. So I can stay for that long with you if that is what you want. I know that isn't fair that I have to go back, but that why I offered to take you with me when the time comes." He said as I looked at him. This was all so sudden to be talking about living together, but really I didn't have a choice. I know Renji though we have been friends since I saved Rukia. I guess it not an issue anymore.

"We'll decide in six months how's that? Now I have to decide what to do about my current situation. My father has the house, and I dare not show my face there. So that leaves me in a bind now. Where am I going to stay?

"That's easy we both can get jobs. I'm sure we can find a temporary apartment for the time being, noting extravagant or fancy. You know something just for us, something you and I can call home for now. And in six months we can decide on what you want to do."

"That sounds like a plan." I smiled as I looked at him. I wanted to at the point kiss him, but part of me said that I shouldn't. So I did anyway fighting the flutter feeling in my stomach. He just smiled as he returned it. It was passionate as I leaned into it and for the first time enjoyed instead of just delivering a show. It felt so good to find someone I wanted to be with, even though the circumstances were awkward.

I simply hugged him tighter as I broke away; I never wanted this moment to end or wanted him to leave my side. My hero was here with me, the one that saved me from my nightmare, the one I was seriously thinking of spending the rest of my life with.

For the first time in years I actually smiled a smile, not one that forced or fake, an actual genuine smile. The last time I did that was with my mother on the day she died, the day I regret to this day. Renji just looked up at it he laughed and smiled back.

"You know that had to be the first time I seen you smile, it's cute and it goes with those gorgeous brown eyes perfectly." He said as I just snuggled closer.

"Don't go and be expecting it now." I said as he laughed

"Of course not, Ichigo smiling is unheard of. You must have broken the rules when you let that come one out." he said as I punched him in the arm.

"Oh really, what rules would that be. It defiantly not in my book to smile"

"Ok so what do I have to do to get it? He asked as I looked at him with a look that said you'll never get me to. "Oh I know we can spar for it, whoever win has to do what the other wants, nothing naughty though and no sex. Agreed!

"You're on! Besides I owe you one anyway for hitting me earlier but that will have to wait for a while." I said as I smiled at him. Things were finally looking up and I was looking for the first sparing session with Renji. It's been too long, I'm sure Zangetsu agrees with me.

"Oh yeah, Just you wait!" He said as he got that glint back in his eyes. I knew right then and there things were starting to go back to normal, and couldn't wait. "You have to wait though at least until you start feeling better. I can help with that too." He said as he started to rub my back. "Relax you'll feel better in no time." He said as he smirked.

"Renji no, I not ready for that. Not yet!" I said as I tried to push his hands off me.

"I already told you I don't want in your pants. Just relax damn it." he said as I listened to him, he was right I was starting to feel a hell of allot better.

* * *

**A/N: 8/21/12****  
and there you have the end of my story. I have to say it was hard to write an ending to this. To many ways I wanted to end this, and choosing one was difficult. I did though, and I think it's good. I was thinking about a sequel to this but I don't know what do you guys think?**

**I wanted to say this was fun being my first fan fiction and all, and I think it didn't turn out that bad it could have been allot worse. I also wanted to give a final thanks to all my fans and readers for keeping me going on this. I appreciate all your time and comments, especially to all the ones that did comment. And I wanted to thank the ones that followed as well. Okay so one last thank you to everyone and I will leave you with Tortured Soul :)LDX.**

**Check out my other stories if you're interested, Condemned and The Black Book. Condemned it a Final Fantasy VII Fan Fiction and The Black Book is an original. Thank again LDX :)**


	10. Chapter 10 (Author's note to readers)

**Okay, so life has been not really fair to me, and because of recent events that have started months ago, time to consider or actually sit down and start a sequel to this story has been nearly impossible to do. So basically I am telling of you (the ones who are fan, commented, or are new to this story) that their will probably be any new content or updates to this story, probably until next year (even then I'm not totally sure I can either). I just wanted to apologise and tell the ones that were waiting that there will probably not be a sequel anytime soon. I will try to update when I able to start writing again, or when I am going to come out with either an update or a sequel to this story.**

**Anyways I wanted to get your thoughts on this to see if it is worth continuing, and maybe when I get time I will go over and rewrite the entire story. I just wanted your thoughts, and suggestions on this. Any constructive criticism is appreciated, but if you don't like the story because it is in first person, or don't like first person stories then please don't waste your time commenting on that aspect. I have decided that I am not changing the point of view. I like it in first person, and really in the end it is the author who has the final say.**

**Thanks again, **  
**LDX :) (Lord Xusecer)**


End file.
